Here at Healing Reflections Therapy, as we continue to celebrate Pride Month and reflect on the current political climate in our state, nation, and world, we continue to be certain that services from specialized clinicians provided to LGBTQ+ clients continue to be just as if not more necessary and relevant than they were in the past.  The statement, “Pride was a riot,” is meant to highlight the fact that the community resistance at the Stonewall Tavern that gave rise to the first Pride events and parades was initiated and encouraged by a brick rumored to have been thrown by a trans woman and by the specific trans women: Stormé DeLarverie, Marsha Johnson, and Sylvia Rivera.  The significance of this being two fold, that, although many may assume that only gay men were involved in the events of Stonewall, the entire community was both targeted for oppression in public spaces and showed out to face down police brutality and aggression and also that Pride is not only about celebrating, dressing up, consuming alcohol, but also has a deep historical significance. 
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Pride was a riot because at the time, members of the LGBTQ+ community did not have body autonomy or control over their own treatment and healthcare.  Queer and trans identities were marginalized to such an extent that no one could be out and get proper checkups, STD testing, gender-affirming medical care  At the beginning of the AIDS crisis, people were forced to take poisonous meds and obtain them through creative and non medically-sanctioned means.  As we know, although strides have been made such as one pill/day HIV meds and hormone replacement therapy (HRT)being readily available on an informed consent basis, there are now constant attacks on Ryan White HIV federal funding and gender affirming care for both minors and adults with state coverage or VA benefits.  There have been multiple attempts to ban trans soldiers from serving in the military and take their retirements.

Pride was a riot because gatherings of LGBTQ+ folx were criminalized and romantic relationships were not broadly seen as legitimate.  Stonewall happened in part because it was illegal for gay and trans people to be drinking at a bar together as well as it being illegal for any sexual activity to happen between anyone and the police response mirrored those prohibitions.  How do you connect if you cannot build community?  How do you feel safe when there is nowhere at home or in public that you can be yourself and not be arrested.  Obergefell Hodges went through in 2015, so gay marriage has only been legal for 11 years.  As with all other LGBTQ+ rights, there have already been multiple attempts to take Obergefell to the Supreme Court and have it overturned.  This in addition to dozens of anti-LGBTQ+ bills being debated and sometimes passed into law in many states in their country in the past 2 years.  Murders of Trans people continue to be so prolific that they are actively tracked and memorialized on Trans Day of Remembrance.  

Pride was a riot because the Queer and Trans community was being treated as less than human.  One need look no further than the plethora of bathroom bills meant to strip Trans people of the dignity to use public facilities and anecdotal examples of strangers policing the genders of others in the restroom with them and making demands to see that it is not safe to be Trans and use the bathroom or even to be someone that anyone things looks different than their assigned sex and corresponding gender role.  Policies criminalizing gender affirming care for minors in some states have caused youth and their parents to lose care, have to move to other states, have side effects and poor outcomes from going off of needed medications.  Trans adults we see worry that they will need to stockpile their hormones in order to continue to be on HRT once all gender affirming care could conceivable be banned.

In some ways, now more than ever, being Queer or Trans means having a target on your back and being unsafe in public, private, even in previously thought of safe spaces.  It is almost worse that some headway had been made, rights were conferred and and are now under attack in a manner worse than ever before.  As LGBT!+ affirming therapists, we know not just the terminology, relationship structures, and social norms that exist in our clents’ lives, we also realize that they currently fear for their lives, relationships, healthcare and employment.  That is why it is more important than ever to stand in solidarity with them and provide one of the only safe holding environments they may currently have in our office and virtually.  We see you, we value you, the world is so much better and brighter with you in it!  We are blessed to hear about your stories, strengths, and resilience every day.  There is nothing else we would rather do.

Author: Chris Scarberry, LPC
Chris is a Therapist accepting clients at Healing Reflections Therapy

Summer is a great time for social events like Pride and Juneteenth festivals, 4th of July celebrations, family BBQs and reunions, weddings, concerts, and camping trips. But for those with social anxiety, PTSD, and agoraphobia, these events can be the source of worry, stress, dread, shame, guilt, and relationship conflict.

I often have clients lamenting that they want a more enriched life beyond their bed or home, but don’t know how to strike a balance with their fear and nervous system dysregulation.  They realize that they are missing out on potentially beneficial experiences but are unsure how to best cope with their social anxiety and challenge themselves.

One thing that surprises people who have lifelong struggles with anxiety is that it is one of the mental health areas that is highly amenable to treatment when given the right combination of resources and approaches. Does that mean a type A person can become a type B person, probably not, but for those whose lives feel unmanageable, science has proven that collaborative therapy along with the appropriate medications can make a substantial difference in someone's baseline anxiety levels.

The bad news is that in order for things to get better, you usually have to get a little bit uncomfortable first; usually through a series of small dose exposures to the situation that causes anxiety and pairing it with relaxation strategies to regulate the nervous system.

So what does that mean for managing these big summer events? What can you do to make things better?

• Start in small doses. Make steps toward change one small step at a time. Start practicing with going to smaller event, one you are more familiar with, or closer to home. Plan to be there for a shorter duration of time than the entire event.
• Make a plan. Before you go, think about your strategy for how you will handle it if your anxiety starts to flare. Talk with the people in your party beforehand about it. Take your own form of transportation so you do not have to rely on someone else if you need to leave or need a quiet place to retreat.  Consider taking breaks if applicable.
• Research the venue. Give yourself an added sense of control by getting a picture of the space and region.  Understand the layout and exits and bathrooms from the start. Also look for quiet hideaway spaces or places with grass or calming scenery.
• Give yourself permission to leave early. This is a tricky one. When tackling anxiety, making an appearance is better than nothing at all. It is ok to leave an event early. However, be mindful that leaving an area that is the source of anxiety if you are having a panic attack tends to reinforce leaving and avoidance- it is essentially giving a lollypop to the screaming toddler in the checkout lane, only increasing that same likelihood of future unwanted behavior. Ideally, it is best to use your coping skills and wait until the panic attack has reached its peak (usually within 5-15 minutes) and has started to come back down before leaving the situation.  Knowing you are only planning on staying at an event for 30 minutes from the get-go can make a difficult situation more tolerable.
  
  If you want to avoid hurting others feelings, it is often best to let them know your intentions to only stay a brief time or that you might choose to leave if your anxiety level is higher than you can manage. For family events, hopefully you know and trust them enough to disclose to them that you are working on overcoming your anxiety concerns and they will not take your early departure personally. 
  
  When it comes to leaving early, it is probably not advisable to go with someone to see their favorite artist or commit to a week at Burningman and want to leave early without causing hurt feelings. So be mindful of which situations you decide to try to expand your window of tolerance on.
• Identify safe people to attend with who understand your concerns and are willing to support you. Having a supportive person or pet with you can go a long way in building your security as you practice your skills. A great accountability partner can be there to remind you of your skills and help coach you or be a great distraction when needed. Remember, secrecy and shame often go together. Your willingness to be open about your struggles can create an opportunity for real, meaningful connection. People are often much more judgmental when they do not understand something and are more likely to take others' actions personally.  Openness can change defensiveness.
• Practice positive coping skills. If you don't already know them, look into some deep breathing techniques like box breathing, practice progressive muscle relaxation, use grounding skills related to your senses and things you see, hear, taste, touch, and smell in your environment. Have a relaxation playlist at the ready.
• Bring a relaxation tool kit. Pack a bag with things that you can use to help you feel better- some tea, ice water, an altoid to help you ground, a frozen lemon to squeeze and use your 5 senses, a stress ball, your favorite worry stone or crystal, a ring of your coping skills cards, some noise canceling headphones, some snacks to help regulate your body, something with your favorite smell on it, pictures of your favorite things on your phone, have a meditation app saved on your phone, and/or bring a blanket to lay down on.
• Know your limits.  Don't push yourself too far or too fast or you will likely worsen the anxiety and become flooded. The goal is mastery one step at a time. 
• Sit/park on the periphery. Some events and venues can seem overwhelming with the crowds, but a lot of time you can wait to come in later or park and walk from far away to give yourself more space. Many times there are far away spaces away from the crowds that allow you to be there and enjoy it but from further distance. Your car can always be a place that you come back to to take breaks intermittently.
• Practice Visualization exercises. Prior to the event, visualize yourself walking through each step of the process, imagine how you would react to challenges and see yourself mastering them while practicing relaxation strategies to calm yourself.​
• Take breaks. You don't have to always leave, you can also give yourself permission to take breaks by going to the car, a bathroom, your tent, a quiet room, standing outside a venue. You can do this multiple times an hour if you need to and still be part of the festivities, but also allow yourself room to calm your nervous system.

Anxiety can be crippling, but there is hope and you don't have to go though this process alone. If you are wanting to work with a counselor on social anxiety, PTSD, or agoraphobia reach our to one of our therapists today at Healing Reflections Therapy.

Authors: Megan Garza, MA, LMFT, Chris Scarberry, MA, LPC
Megan is a Therapist at Healing Reflections Therapy

I’m willing to bet that, at some point, someone has suggested that you try journaling as a coping skill. I know I’ve recommended it to nearly every client I’ve had at some point, and I often get a disappointed look and a series of reasons why they don’t or don’t want to.
Maybe some of these sound like you:
“I tried journaling, but I couldn’t keep up with it.”
“There is too much to write, and I get overwhelmed.”
“I’m not Anne Frank, I don’t have anything interesting to write about, so what is the point?”
“I don’t want anyone to find my journal and read what I write.”
“How is writing down what I ate for lunch and how boring my meetings were going to help me?”
Good news! You don’t have to be Anne Frank to journal, and that is not all that journaling is!

There Are No Rules

• You do NOT have to write in your journal daily.
• You don’t have to include any details about your day.
• You don’t have to catch your journal up after not writing in it for 18 months.
• You don’t have to write in a way that makes sense to anyone but you.
• You don’t have to write your deepest, darkest secrets to benefit from journaling.
• You don’t need the perfect notebooks, pens, highlighters, or stencils to journal. Any writing surface or digital writing platform will work just fine, depending on your intentions.
• There is no need to have profound, unique insights in your journal. What you write is just for you.
• You don’t have to have complete sentences, proper grammar, spelling, or formatting.  
• Your handwriting doesn’t even have to be legible. You can scribble, write with your non-dominant hand, or write on the same line over and over again so that words can no longer be recognized.
• You can journal in images, sketches, bullet points, single words, or scribbles.
• You can choose whether to share it or not with someone you trust.
• You can lock it away and never look at it again.
• You can destroy the page when you’re done with it, or destroy it in the process of writing.

Reflection
What rules have you put on journaling? Are they holding you back from a potentially helpful coping skill or therapeutic tool?

Potentially therapeutic journal techniques include but are not limited to: gratitude journaling, writing about what went well in your day, “thorns and roses,” venting, reflections on your day, insights from your therapy session, notes for things you want to talk about in sessions, processing and exploring a difficult experience or emotion, writing a trauma narrative, stream of consciousness, mood and emotion tracking, art or collage journaling, photo journaling, autobiographical writing, composing a letter to someone you’ll never send, or writing from a prompt.

Reevaluate your relationship with journaling and give it another shot. It is one of many ways that can further our therapeutic skills and keep us focused on our goals between sessions. Find what works for you!

Author: McKayla Kagie Robinson, MS, PLMFT
McKayla is a Therapist at Healing Reflections Therapist. Contact her to set up an appointment.