It is disability pride month, and while a lot of disabilities have outward signs, disabilities such as chronic illness and chronic pain are not always visible.
How can you help those close to you who suffer from chronic illness and chronic pain?

​Invisible Chronic Illness and Chronic Pain
Chronic illness can come with invisible sources of pain and discomfort. For example, arthritis comes with pain in the joints, and asthma leaves individuals with difficulty breathing and challenges catching their breath after exercise or even minor activities. Some chronic illnesses, such as autoimmune diseases, lead to reduced overall capacity, high levels of fatigue, and daily body aches.
In addition to their symptoms, those with chronic illness face increased difficulty completing tasks, have the additional responsibility of balancing and managing medication, and have to rearrange priorities daily.  Oftentimes, their illness may prohibit them from fulfilling certain expectations and obligations.
Some chronic illnesses and chronic pain conditions may not be visible but are still affecting those with these conditions on a day-to-day basis.  In order to understand how someone is feeling, communication is key!

Say No to Toxic Positivity.
Toxic Positivity is the misplaced over-promotion of the good in the given event while ignoring that the person is facing tragedy, trauma, or chronic difficulties.
These phrases usually start with “At least” or “Well, it could be worse” and lead to minimized emotion and empathy for what the person is struggling through. Using toxic positivity is invalidating and not supportive.

Listen with compassion and empathy.
Managing chronic pain and maintaining a chronic illness comes with surprising challenges at all stages. Having someone to listen to can help alleviate stress and manage larger emotions that come with a lifelong diagnosis. It's helpful to ask questions about the pain and Illness, and to try to understand what the person is going through.
By listening with empathy, you can help them feel validated and supported.

Ask how you can help.
Due to fatigue, pain, and the overall stress of having a chronic illness, it could be helpful to ask if there is anything you can do to help them.
Whether it be helping them keep their space clean, running errands, or sitting and chatting, having someone to help relieve the demands on their time and energy can help them later be present with family and friends.

When pain flares and fatigue increases, it can be hard for someone to complete the tasks they set out to do for the day, week, or month. Some tasks are not completed at all, as they try to meet the hierarchy of their needs. All they can do is the essentials to survive.
If there is something that you can do to help alleviate the constant pressure, it could be very helpful not only in the moment but in the future for that person.

Written by Jordan Langley, BA, BS, MA, SMFT
​Jordan is a Therapist at Healing Reflections Therapy. She is currently accepting clients.

Summertime is full of excitement, vacations, outdoor activities, festivals, and celebrations- things that keep us so busy that we don’t seem to have time for that weekly or bi-weekly therapy session.
Go, do the things, enjoy the sunshine! Also, don’t forget to keep up those healthy therapeutic habits and skills in all the excitement!

Remember: Therapy happens outside of sessions too.

• Keep up with your self-care and practices like journaling, meditation, affirmations, stretching, going for walks (when the weather allows), and caring for emotions when they come up.
• Check in with your body and mind to see if your needs are being met. Especially, make sure to HYDRATE! Those of us on certain medications (antidepressants, stimulants, antipsychotics, etc.) are at higher risk for heatstroke, dehydration, and other adverse reactions to the increased temperatures.
• Jot down things you want to talk to your therapist about when you do see them.
• Give yourself enough time to recharge and decompress between social events and activities.
• Prioritize connecting with your partners and people in your support system.
• Your routine and schedule might look different right now, which can be disregulating. Think about creating an alternate routine that still meets your needs but accounts for summertime differences.

It’s okay to reach out for a session sooner than planned.
We are here when summer winds down, but we’re here before then as well. Don’t stress about needing an earlier appointment. In the meantime, check out the article below for some helpful tools our therapists use and recommend.

Written by McKayla Robinson, MS, PLMFT
​McKayla is a Therapist at Healing Reflections Therapy. Schedule with her today.

Setting Boundaries with Family Members

Sometimes when folks are struggling with relationships with their family members they have a difficult time setting boundaries. You cannot control other people, you can only control yourself, but you can request that others be considerate of your feelings.

Here are some important key point to consider when setting boundaries with Family Members:

• Decide when you want to visit
• Decide how much time you want to spend with them
• Decide on the frequency of your calls/messages
• Decide whether you want to stay with them vs stay at a hotel or have them stay at a hotel
• Be clear about your expectations
• Be clear about house rule or expectations with how your kids or pets or others are to be treated, prioritizing peace and protection over control
• Be prepared to leave/end the communication if a boundary you set is crossed.
• Refuse to engage in dialogue over things that cross your emotional boundaries and stick to the boundary you set
• Be mindful of people pleasing and fear of letting others down or losing their love and how that limits you from setting appropriate limits
• Use the broken record technique of repeating the limits you are setting without explaining or apologizing
• Set Consistent Consequences

Remember- A boundary without a follow-through becomes a wish, not a boundary.
Examples:
• If they continue yelling → “I’m going to step away now.”
• If they push for personal details → “I’m not discussing that. Let’s change the subject.”

Consistency teaches people how to treat you.

Focus on What You Can Control
You can’t control:
•Their reactions
•Their opinions
•Whether they change

You can control:
•Your boundaries
•Your emotional energy
•Your responses
•How much access they have to you

If you are struggling with setting boundaries with someone in your life, consider working with a therapist to help you develop your skills. We have multiple therapists at Healing Reflections Therapy available to meet your needs.

Author: Megan Garza, MA, LMFT
Therapist & Co-Owner of Healing Reflections Therapy