Avoidance Can Be a Good Thing

In doing counseling with clients who have substance abuse concerns and disorders, I
often draw from the world of 12-Step recovery. One of the concepts that comes out of
the wisdom of AA is the idea of People, Places, and Things. In order for someone who
abuses substances or things like food or sex to change their behavior and maintain their
progress, it is usually necessary to change the people with whom they associate, the
places they frequent, and items with which they regularly come in contact. The world
that someone in that situation has created is often filled with other people who abuse
substances, places the person goes to use those substances, and items that are
components of their use pattern.

The comedian Bill Hicks once said that the only things a man needs in order to be come
someone who has an alcohol use disorder are, “the right bar, the right girl, and the right
friends.” I have always liked that quote because it acknowledges that anyone can
become someone who abuses something or other given a few circumstances. While I
appreciate the wisdom of the disease model of addiction and also see people who
abuse substances as having a likely chemical imbalance and a genetic predisposition to
addictive behavior, there is also a role that habit, modeling, and circumstances play in
substance abuse and life in general.

I have always felt that in the “nature versus nurture” debate, the answer is both. As
such, people who abuse substances tend to think in such a way as to maintain the
addiction and the circumstances that give rise to it. Changing people may be the
hardest of the three. It may mean cutting off contact with family or close friends
temporarily or indefinitely. Sometimes new ways of interacting with them can be
negotiated, but sometimes not. When I quit smoking cigarettes many years ago, having
a romantic partner who believed I could and should do and did not smoke herself was a
huge factor in the longevity of my ability to cease and desist from using tobacco. If
someone has a problem with methamphetamine and chooses to stay with their partner
who abuses meth also, one can imagine all of the temptation and other challenges that
will continue to bring into their life while they try to pretend that they are quitting in a
vacuum.

I have seen some of the places people should consider avoiding be the route to the
liquor store they normally go to, places that are trauma triggers that may make them
want to use to self-medicate, childhood homes, their drug dealer’s house and so forth.
Sometimes if avoiding those things is not suggested by a peer or professional, it does
not occur to the user. I have seen numerous people with alcohol problems believe they
can/should work in a bar and have encouraged them to consider other options. There
are countless rituals and routines around using that the person will benefit from
breaking or at least interrupting.

“Things,” can be paraphernalia, numbers in ones phone, the actual substance they use.
I have seen people hold onto a stash of tobacco, drugs, or alcohol because they say
they feel more comfortable still having it if they need it. While this may work as a form
of harm-reduction at first, it is likely not sustainable long-term. Initially keeping alcohol
around with hopes to one day drink in moderation also seems premature in my
experience. In short, every person who abuses substances or struggles with other
compulsive behavior has a list of people, places and things that they need to evaluate
and possibly partially or completely liquidate in order to best prevent relapses into old
behavior. These are always unique to each person.
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Once someone is far enough along the stages of change to take action, they are more
likely to take this recommendation or see that this work needs to be done without
guidance. Sponsorship within AA/NA, counseling, or just some serious conversations
with concerned loved ones can also wake a substance abuser up to a lot of their
patterns of behavior and once they have this solid information, it is up to them to
personalize it and choose to take it from there.

Avoidance can cause prolonged grief, traumatic reactions and the like and, as such,
therapists typically advise clients to face their fears, explore underlying emotional
responses and the like. By contrast, avoiding people, places, and things is an adaptive
tool for people to use in recovery because they have likely already identified the
underlying emotion, have no sound reason to be around their substance of choice given
the corresponding cravings that may ensue, and are or will become aware that trying to
master regularly being tempted just isn’t worth it.

Author: Chris Scarberry, LPC
Chris is Therapist and CO-founder of Healing Reflections Therapy and is available to see clients in recovery.