Mental Health Articles
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 Therapy has become increasingly accepted as a norm for health treatment, especially since covid. As historical barriers of stigma and shame fall away, more and more people are embracing hope and change and looking for therapists to help them facilitate healing, but sometimes struggle with where to start.
One option for finding a good therapist or mental health treatment center is to ask your family, friends, or colleagues for recommendations. High praise from someone you know can go a long way in building trust with your provider. Another option is to check with your insurance company. If you check the back of your insurance card, there is usually a number you can call and they can help with referrals for providers in your network. Better yet, go to the insurance companies Doc Find on their website, which usually allows you to add in filters for your selection and find providers nearest you. A third recommended option is using Psychology Today's search field at www.psychologytoday.com Many reputable clinicians use this for their marketing. You can read about each clinician in detail, view their fees, insurances taken, and specialty areas, and even watch video snapshots of them. Of course Google can also locate someone near you, but that may be driven more by sponsoring ads than who is the best fitting provider near you. Alternatively, crisis lines like BHR can also help link you to social service organizations, psychiatrists, and mental health facilities. You don't have to go through this alone. Many people are available to help. A word to the wise, be patient, sometimes places may have long wait lists or be slow to return calls, if at all. It may be beneficial to reach out to multiple providers initially and see who is most responsive to your needs. How to know if the therapist is a good fit? An important quality is competence, does the therapist have specialized training or certifications in the area, symptom, or diagnosis that you need help with? How long have they been working in that area to develop a solid set of skills for complicated needs? Do they do in-person, virtual, or a combination of both that may make them more accessible or easier for you connect with or be vulnerable. Does the therapist specialize in Christian counseling or are they general, non-religiously focused? Choosing a therapist that works within a framework you are comfortable with can be helpful. If you are a member of a marginalized population, does the therapist understand those complexities or needs so that you feel safe? A therapist doesn't have to be a member of that population to be helpful, but they do need to have culturally competency or willingness to approach with openness and non-judgement. Are you wanting only wanting validation or change? Therapy can feel really good if you are supported and the therapy gives lots of validation, but that doesn't always result in change. One major difference between a friend and a therapist is a therapist is specifically there to help you work on your goals to change, which may mean they tell you things that can be hard to hear and encourage you to do things you are uncomfortable with, for the sake of your recovery. If the therapist only validates you, it may feel good, but might not always result in the change you are seeking. And lastly, what is the general vibe of the therapist? How do you feel about their demographics and personality? Look over their website, their psychology today profiles and videos, do they seem like someone you could jive with? Tempering your Expectations Sometimes we hear about folks that therapist hop, looking for the "perfect fit," much like dating, it's not likely you will find the "perfect therapist". They are humans and can make mistakes, but are they open to learning and making change to meet your needs, or are you willing to accept that maybe they are telling you something you need to hear instead of what you want to hear? Therapists also encourage the client to do the hard work, not them. So if you are expecting them to do all the work, you may feel frustrated with long silences and delayed in progress. The more you modulate your expectations, the happier you may be about the result. Sometimes when folks are not ready for therapy, they easily find barriers. It is a good idea to think about whether you are screening out providers who would otherwise be a fit for this reason. When people strongly desire change and are ready to do the work, they may not overemphasize what certifications the therapist has, or how far away they are, or what times they offer, or what the cost is. They will be willing to do anything to access the service they need at the moment and are also willing to do the hard work in the process. Conversely, if a therapist makes you feel unsafe or judged, it makes sense to listen to your gut and move on. Hopefully this helps and you can find your way to a clinician that helps you meet your needs. Goof luck, and good health! Authors, Megan Garza, MA, LMFT & Chris Scarberry, MA, LPC
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 When you search for “therapy near me,” chances are the first results you see come from big corporate platforms like BetterHelp, Alma, Headway or similar entities. These companies spend millions on advertising and search engine optimization (SEO) to dominate the internet.
But just because they appear first doesn’t mean they’re the best choice for your mental health care. In fact, working with a small, independent therapy practice may offer better care, stronger privacy protections, a healthier long-term future for mental health access, and build a stronger community in the future. Here’s why choosing a small practice could make all the difference. 1. Personal Care, Not Corporate Protocol Therapy works best when it’s about you—not algorithms or quotas. Large platforms often emphasize quick intake and high-volume scheduling, leaving little room for deeper connection. Therapists may be pressured to see too many clients, too fast. We often hear complaints from clients who tried out these platforms only to be ghosted by their therapists. At a small practice, your therapist sets their own caseload-which often starts at the first point of contact when you are seeking therapy, tailors treatment to your needs, and builds a genuine therapeutic relationship. It’s care that prioritizes quality over quantity. 2. Protecting Your Privacy and Data Big platforms are not just therapy providers—they’re tech companies. And like many tech companies, their business models raise concerns about how personal data is stored, analyzed, or even monetized. What happens when that business gets bought out by another corporation who wants that data? Small practices, on the other hand, are directly accountable to state licensing boards and ethical standards. Your records are kept private, secure, and never shared for corporate gain. 3. Insurance and Affordability: The Hidden Costs of Marketplace Domination While companies like Alma or Headway market themselves as making therapy “easier to access with insurance,” the reality is more complicated. These platforms negotiate contracts with insurance networks to benefit the company first—not always the client or therapist. There is also a specific advantage that these corporations have over small practices- small practices run by therapists are responsible to their licensing boards and must be licensed in and/or have a base company in the state they are billing the insurance company from. This usually means that they can only bill the insurance company where their business is primarily based/has a formal US postal address. Insurance reimbursement varies widely from state to state. A therapist in Washington may get an insurance reimbursement rate of $175/session but a therapist in Missouri may only get $57/ 45 minute session. Big corporations can set up corporate offices anywhere where they can get maximal profits from insurance and use that as the state from which they are billing and corner insurance markets. They get to bill where they can the biggest payday, but independent practices cannot do that. Essentially, they distort the market. BIG payday for them. They also get to offer more money to the clinicians that work for them (while still taking a huge cut for themselves), which makes other clinicians wonder why they cannot get paid that same rate from their local business and they demand raises that independent practices and non-profits cannot compete with, drying up eligible employees and clients from local businesses. The end risk is Market Domination: Just as Walmart’s scale pushed small businesses out of towns, venture-capital-backed therapy platforms flood the internet with paid advertising and SEO dominance. This leaves smaller practices buried in search results, regardless of the quality of their care. This is followed by Price Pressure: Once corporations dominate a market, prices often rise. While BetterHelp may initially seem cheaper, consolidation creates leverage to set rates higher once competition disappears. Private equity firms have already started buying up private practices, eliminating competition. By contrast, Independent practices often offer more flexible options, like sliding-scale fees, out-of-network reimbursement support, and transparent billing. You work directly with your therapist—not a corporate middleman. 4. Ethical Oversight and Accountability If something goes wrong with your care on a corporate platform, responsibility can get blurry. Many of these companies call themselves “tech platforms,” distancing themselves from ethical oversight. At a small practice, your therapist is directly accountable to professional boards (such as AAMFT, APA, or state boards) that enforce strict codes of ethics. This means a higher standard of care and accountability. 5. Supporting Diversity in Therapy Just as Walmart pushed many local stores out of business, corporate therapy platforms risk creating a monopoly in mental health care. When fewer companies control access, prices eventually go up and services become less personalized. Small practices protect diversity in the field. They offer specialized services for trauma, family systems, LGBTQ+ care, BIPOC communities, and other areas that might get overlooked in a one-size-fits-all corporate model that is subject the winds of change with DEI initiatives. 6. SEO and Visibility: Why You May Not See Small Practices First The reason BetterHelp or Alma appear at the top of Google isn’t because they’re the only or best option—it’s because they spend heavily on SEO and ads. Independent practices don't usually have those resources to keep up with the big dogs, which means these independent or non-profit practices may be harder to find online. Most clinicians we know used to use Psychology Today as their main source of referrals, but over the past couple years have found that Psychology Today's marketing budget is no match for larger corporations, and our referrals from there are down 65% from 2020-2023. In fact, I recently found that when searching specifically for referrals for a client on Psychology Today, my google search re-routed me to another website that initially looked like Psychology Today's search index, but it turned out to be another site entirely. Going back and researching again, I had to scroll down several items before I actually reached Psychology Today's real website. Things like this have become a real problem as well trained, licensed clinicians have repeatedly found thein information stolen from other databases and placed on their platforms to make it seem like we work for them. The client finds us and selects us, but they are then re-routed to another clinician. The potential client is told we have been notified of the referral, but we are not. It is a scam to route them into their corporation, using more reputable clinicians in a bate and switch scheme. Clinicians end up having to fight and threaten litigation to get their names removed from these databases. When you choose a small practice, you’re choosing to look beyond the first page of search results and invest in care that’s personal, ethical, and community-focused. Conclusion: Your Choice Shapes the Future of Mental Health Care Every time you choose where to get therapy, you’re making more than a personal decision—you’re shaping the future of the field. By supporting small practices, you help protect affordable, ethical, diverse, and client-centered mental health care. At Healing Reflections Therapy: Diversity, Trauma, and Wellness Services, we believe therapy should always be about human connection, community building, accountability, and trust—not corporate profit. If you’re ready to explore therapy that puts you first, contact us today.  A question that I often hear brought up in therapy is when is it appropriate to cut off my family members? This has become a popular topic these days as generational differences, awareness of trauma, and politics divides family.
As systemic marriage and family therapists, we are trained to study family ancestral trees called genograms and look for patterns of connection, attachment, abuse, substance abuse, and cutoffs. Whenever cutoffs show up in a genogram, it tells us something important about the family dynamic and signs of dysfunction. Generally, we discourage folks from immediately considering cutoffs vs exploring alternate options. What are the alternatives to cutoffs Rather than black and white thinking, that things have to be "all this way" or "all that way" or we are a family unit or we have no connection, as family therapists we often encourage people to explore they gray areas. What about decreasing length of visits or frequency of contacts? Instead of going over every holiday, maybe only go to one, and don’t stay with them, limit your time there and stay at a hotel. Maybe instead of taking all their calls, you choose selectively when to respond or you just send them cards. There are many times as people explore their development and really individuate from their parents and begin to develop their own sense of identity and beliefs, that they suddenly see problems in their relationship with their family members that were not fully realized prior. Or perhaps the parent is struggling with adapting to the new role of having an independent, adult child where they have less control. At that point, as growing awareness blooms into anger and contempt, sometimes prompted by an outsiders’ view of your family such as partner, teacher, friend, or therapist that the drive to cut-off a family member or make big changes in boundaries with family comes about. When is a cutoff appropriate? Sometimes folks have decided that the only way they can have some peace is to cut off their family members. This is especially true when family members have displayed long patterns of egregious, toxic, abusive, manipulative, or selfish behavior and are unlikely or unwilling to change, nor take accountability for their actions.
These are all examples of family dynamics that are difficult, if not impossible to manage. Sometimes, for one’s own safety or sanity, there is no recourse but to put distance from the harmful family member. Note, a person is not put into these categories simply because you do not approve of them, or they are not who you want them to be or what you believe, they meet these criteria when they are actively inflicting harm on others through their behavior, the pattern is chronic, and there is a demonstrable unwillingness or inability to change. Consequences of cutoffs Sometimes I encounter clients who, at the advise of younger clinicians, have decided to cut-off their family members with formal letters, over more minor and typical family conflicts. Rather than attempting to work through the issue in family therapy, the family member unceremoniously receives a letter that that have been disowned or a list of their infractions and have been informed they are going no-contact. They problem with formally making these statements in a letter is 1) it gives the other person no opportunity to respond, clarify, ask questions, or make amends. And since many issues come down to problems with communication and understanding, this can only exacerbate the problem. 2) You cannot take back the harm inflicted by a formal pronunciation that you are cutting off a family member, thus creating or exacerbating a rejection wound. Although many people experience family cut-offs for a time, rarely are they permanent. Most people end up reunifying with their family members within a few years. This is true for even the abusive, toxic family members, or the religiously based cut-offs. Writing letters to harmful family members are very powerful tools in therapy for clarifying your hurt, exploring boundaries, and finding cathartic release. As a trauma counselor I have been witness to thousands of these letters over the years. However, a therapeutic exercise for the self is not the same thing as sending one of those letters to a family member and should be taken with great care and consideration. Sometimes folks who struggle with assertiveness or have fears/challenges with being communication/being heard by their family member may feel letter writing is the only option necessary, which may be true, but it’s also important to know that what is formally written may be hard to take back or make repairs from as well. There is also no guarantee they will read it. Cautions of cut offs If your attempt at a cut off is to get the person comply, to punish, to be more the way you want them to be, then you could be abusing the situation and using the cut-off as a tool for emotional manipulation. If, by contrast, you are using the cut-off as a tool for safety when all methods of communication, family therapy, consultation with faith leaders, and boundary setting have failed, this is totally appropriate. This is especially true when there are no signs of positive change or willingness to change or willingness to take responsibility for the harm that has been caused, and they are in-fact doubling down on their behavior and blaming you for it. Red flags. As a family therapist, I have witnessed the devastating impact of trauma and clients struggling to set limits with narcissistic parents who continue to ignore and cross boundaries. I have also seen the tragic result of when clients are unceremoniously cut-off by their family members and the pain, sadness, and confusion that results. Many times the person being cut-off genuinely does not recall the events they are being accused of and are shocked at the variation in perspectives. There is no easy path and the decisions you make today may impact generations to come. It's important to remember that small, consistent shifts in your behavior can change the larger family system functioning over time. A note for parents: Sometimes parents feel blamed a lot in the therapy process, and the fear of being blamed or judged can keep them away from participating in family therapy. This is a fair concern as parents do take a brunt of the impact when their is family dysfunction. It's important to remember that there are no perfect parents. And even the best parents are going to say or do something at some point that harms their child directly or indirectly. In family therapy we really stress the idea of a "good enough parent". In order for children to develop well, you just need a good enough parent. Most parents do many more good things than bad things. A bad choice does not automatically equate with a bad person/parent/child. Sometimes the positive contributions and the way the parent shows love is not readily recognized. For example, a child may say they did not feel love because dad did not hug them or say "I love you" or was overly strict or critical or said things that made them feel bad about themselves, but that same dad may have shown love through showing up all their sporting events, making sure to always have a job and steady income to support the family, by fixing things around the house to create a safe environment for them, by making sure they had a car to get to their job or college. How a person receives love may not be the same as how another expresses love. Parents do however have the responsibility, as the older person with more power and authority in the relational dynamics, of being the one to reach out to their children and initiate contact occasionally. It cannot be left just up to the child/adult child. The child also has a responsibility of returning the calls and checking back in occasionally as well if they both wish to maintain a relationship. Parents do have the burden of being the bigger person, because of child's need for unconditional love from the parent. If you are considering a cut-off, try these steps first
Author: Megan Garza, MA, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Supervisor at Healing Reflections Therapy  Imagine you come out of your therapy session feeling good and ready to tackle your stressors. Something else stressful comes up, and it feels like everything you learned in therapy went out the window. Now you don’t know what to do. How do you make the therapy stick once you’ve left the session? Let’s talk about it! I love providing clients with resources they can use between sessions to help them practice their skills and continue to progress and process. Some of the most useful resources that will help my clients further their coping skills, maintain their motivation, and enhance their self-care between sessions are available right on their phones. I have compiled a list of some of my favorite options. Please note that I am not associated with or sponsored by any of these resources; they are simply options that have benefited me and my clients. Additionally, using apps that collect information and data is a personal choice and one that you should consider individually before using apps like these.  1. Motivation: Finch Finding motivation, accomplishing daily tasks, and prioritizing self-care are difficult when we are struggling with our mental health. Finch is an adorable app designed to help with exactly that. With this app, you raise a little bird by fueling it with energy from the tasks you complete and sending it on adventures around the world. Additionally, you collect gems from your achievements to buy outfits and decorations for your bird and birdhouse. You can incentivise yourself to prioritize certain tasks by connecting them to the hatching micropets, which become your bird’s companion and are oh so cute. Finch also allows you to connect with friends who raise their own birds. When you connect with friends, you can send encouragement and gifts, see their bird’s growth journey, and invite them to your bird house. Finch also serves as a mood and motivation tracker and offers weekly insights. The app has a first aid kit for when your mood and motivation are low. It includes various breathing exercises, grounding techniques, opportunities to journal your feelings, affirmations, and body scans. Other features include: goal setting, a reflection journal, breathing exercises, soundscapes, movement suggestions, and ideas for acts of kindness. For my neurodivergent folks, Finch is the ultimate dopamine fuel source, and I strongly recommend it. As someone who is neurodivergent myself, I struggle to start and maintain new habits, but have been using Finch daily for almost a full year. My neurodivergent clients who have started using it report finding it helpful. Finch is a free app with an option to upgrade and become a sponsor, however, the bonuses of that are mostly to unlock extra outfits and birdhouse decorations. When it comes to using the app’s resources, upgrading has little impact. I honestly can’t say enough about this app. If you like a cutesy, dopamine-filled, mood-tracking, motivational tool, I would recommend trying this one out.  2. Emotions: How We Feel Understanding, processing, and coping with emotions is a huge part of the therapeutic process and something that can’t be accomplished in the span of a one-hour session. We must practice between sessions. How We Feel is an app funded by donations, with all the resources available for free. It has mood-tracking vibes, but is more of an emotions tracker. You check in and identify the emotions you’re feeling from a list of options, report what you were doing when you felt them, and write or audio record a reflection. If you want to process your feelings or explore ways to cope with them, you can utilize the AI function to deepen your reflection and discover insights that might help you cope with your emotions. You can also connect the emotion check-ins to the local weather, your movement and exercise, caffeine intake, water intake, alcohol intake, how much sleep you get, and how much you meditate. The app provides several tools for working through your emotions, including positive quotes, affirmations, breathing exercises, emotional education, movement exercises, mindfulness videos, reframing strategies, and more. There is also a friend feature to this app where you can opt to share how you’re feeling and why. The app aesthetic is clean and simple, which some appreciate as opposed to more animated apps like Finch. I use and recommend both, due to the different purposes they serve. For example, Finch is more task motivation oriented, and How We Feel is more for emotional tracking.  3. Meditation: Happier When I bring up meditation in sessions, I’m met with comments like, “I hate meditation, I get too distracted, and it’s impossible for my thoughts to be quiet.” The mainstream understanding of meditation is that it’s somehow supposed to teach you to be totally devoid of thoughts, but that is simply unrealistic and, in my opinion, not what meditation should be used for. Instead, meditation is a powerful way to process and feel emotions, relax and recenter ourselves when stressed and overwhelmed, and expand our capacity for skillful coping mechanisms. Happier, previously known as Ten Percent Happier, is an app that was recommended to me by another therapist. It is now a resource that I use regularly, personally and professionally, primarily because of the quality and variety of meditation practices and tools it provides. The app has free meditations available, but you may choose to purchase their yearly subscription, like I did, for full access. The meditations cover many different topics and guide you through many visualization and reflection options. They also do a good job of setting a pace that allows time for reflection and still calls your attention back to the practice in case your thoughts start to wander. Whether you are experienced or new to meditation, this app is one that my clients and I find helpful. Other: Outside of apps, I recommend Self-Compassion Practices by Dr Kristin Neff. The meditations found on that webpage are geared towards compassion, loving-kindness, and grounding. Her website includes helpful exercises as well, which I suggest checking out.  4. Affirmations: I am We have all heard about affirmations, and some of you probably roll your eyes when someone suggests them as a tool to improve self-esteem and efficacy. They have gained a bad reputation as cheesy, lame, superficial, awkward, etc., but they don’t have to be. “I am” offers customized affirmations geared towards your individual needs in an aesthetic and frequency you prefer. These affirmations sound less like “I am pretty” and more like “I see all the positive things about my body.” You can pay for more customization options if you’d like, but choosing the free version does not restrict your access to the affirmations. Regardless of how you feel about affirmations now, I encourage you to try them out. You might be surprised!  5. Couples: Paired Lots of people struggle communicating with their partners, and that is normal, even in a healthy relationship. The Paired app is designed to facilitate conversations that you may not think to have. These conversations revolve around topics like sex, sharing responsibility, finances, quality time, communication, LGBTQ+, and more. Each conversation prompt or quiz starts with a bit of psychoeducation about relationship dynamics. The prompts and quizzes have thoughtful questions designed to make you think and reflect so that you share insightful information with your partner via the app. You can not see your partner's answers until you submit your own, which I feel helps with authenticity. After each of you has answered, you can continue to discuss in the app with messages and emoji reactions, or if you prefer, you can continue the conversations in person to build on your understanding of each other’s answers.  6. Movement: Bend
Movement is another therapeutic tool! Moving our bodies, in whatever capacity, can have great mental and physical health benefits. Gentle movement, like stretching, is more accessible for some than going on a run or going to the gym, and Bend is a great way to guide yourself through that. The app has stretches categorized by body areas to stretch and by various intentions for stretching. It has guided routines that are as short as four minutes up to thirty minutes. You select a routine based on whether you’re looking for a wake-up stretch, a bedtime stretch, a mid-workday stretch, or you want to stretch your sore lower back, and it presents you with several options varying in length. You can pick according to the amount of time you have or the kinds of stretches it shows in the sequence, if you have a preference. Each option has an explanation of its specific focus. Before you start the stretch series, it shows you all the stretches in the order that they will be presented and the length of time intended to hold those stretches. Both before you start or if you need a refresher in the middle of stretching, each movement has a detailed description of how to get into the position (including a video demonstration showing you what it looks like), tips to help you find your footing and prevent injuries, modifications to accommodate movement restrictions, and the areas that benefit from that stretch. I personally love the way that the app guides you through the movements and provides ample support for executing each stretch. You can adjust the time that you hold each stretch if it is too long or too short, and you can pause any time if you need a break to adjust, reread the directions, or sip some water. The app will, of course, send you reminders to stretch if you set it up to, and as with most apps, there are more features available if you pay for the subscription. The unpaid version only does a full guided routine with the timer once a day, but it does not restrict your access to stretches or their instructions if you want to use them with your own timer or at your own pace. Conclusion: While they are not a fix for our mental health, nor a replacement for trained professionals and community support, apps are a great way to reinforce the things you are working on in therapy. The apps I recommend here may not work for you, and that is okay; they are just options to experiment with. If you find that these are not your vibe, that is just more information to help you determine what you do or do not need in terms of support. It’s all about finding what works for you! Author: McKayla Kagie Robinson, MS, PLMFT McKayla is Provisionally licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Healing Reflections Therapy, currently accepting new clients for individual, couple, or family therapy.  In doing counseling with clients who have substance abuse concerns and disorders, I often draw from the world of 12-Step recovery. One of the concepts that comes out of the wisdom of AA is the idea of People, Places, and Things. In order for someone who abuses substances or things like food or sex to change their behavior and maintain their progress, it is usually necessary to change the people with whom they associate, the places they frequent, and items with which they regularly come in contact. The world that someone in that situation has created is often filled with other people who abuse substances, places the person goes to use those substances, and items that are components of their use pattern. The comedian Bill Hicks once said that the only things a man needs in order to be come someone who has an alcohol use disorder are, “the right bar, the right girl, and the right friends.” I have always liked that quote because it acknowledges that anyone can become someone who abuses something or other given a few circumstances. While I appreciate the wisdom of the disease model of addiction and also see people who abuse substances as having a likely chemical imbalance and a genetic predisposition to addictive behavior, there is also a role that habit, modeling, and circumstances play in substance abuse and life in general. I have always felt that in the “nature versus nurture” debate, the answer is both. As such, people who abuse substances tend to think in such a way as to maintain the addiction and the circumstances that give rise to it. Changing people may be the hardest of the three. It may mean cutting off contact with family or close friends temporarily or indefinitely. Sometimes new ways of interacting with them can be negotiated, but sometimes not. When I quit smoking cigarettes many years ago, having a romantic partner who believed I could and should do and did not smoke herself was a huge factor in the longevity of my ability to cease and desist from using tobacco. If someone has a problem with methamphetamine and chooses to stay with their partner who abuses meth also, one can imagine all of the temptation and other challenges that will continue to bring into their life while they try to pretend that they are quitting in a vacuum. I have seen some of the places people should consider avoiding be the route to the liquor store they normally go to, places that are trauma triggers that may make them want to use to self-medicate, childhood homes, their drug dealer’s house and so forth. Sometimes if avoiding those things is not suggested by a peer or professional, it does not occur to the user. I have seen numerous people with alcohol problems believe they can/should work in a bar and have encouraged them to consider other options. There are countless rituals and routines around using that the person will benefit from breaking or at least interrupting. “Things,” can be paraphernalia, numbers in ones phone, the actual substance they use. I have seen people hold onto a stash of tobacco, drugs, or alcohol because they say they feel more comfortable still having it if they need it. While this may work as a form of harm-reduction at first, it is likely not sustainable long-term. Initially keeping alcohol around with hopes to one day drink in moderation also seems premature in my experience. In short, every person who abuses substances or struggles with other compulsive behavior has a list of people, places and things that they need to evaluate and possibly partially or completely liquidate in order to best prevent relapses into old behavior. These are always unique to each person. Once someone is far enough along the stages of change to take action, they are more likely to take this recommendation or see that this work needs to be done without guidance. Sponsorship within AA/NA, counseling, or just some serious conversations with concerned loved ones can also wake a substance abuser up to a lot of their patterns of behavior and once they have this solid information, it is up to them to personalize it and choose to take it from there. Avoidance can cause prolonged grief, traumatic reactions and the like and, as such, therapists typically advise clients to face their fears, explore underlying emotional responses and the like. By contrast, avoiding people, places, and things is an adaptive tool for people to use in recovery because they have likely already identified the underlying emotion, have no sound reason to be around their substance of choice given the corresponding cravings that may ensue, and are or will become aware that trying to master regularly being tempted just isn’t worth it. Author: Chris Scarberry, LPC
Chris is Therapist and CO-founder of Healing Reflections Therapy and is available to see clients in recovery.  A common theme that comes up in therapy is people holding the belief that rest is a bad thing and that they are somehow bad if they allow themselves to rest. relaxation is often seen as a luxury rather than a necessity. Many people equate being busy with being productive, often neglecting the essential need to rest. Whether it developed from messages passed down in their family, their church, the Puritan work ethic, capitalistic influences on productivity and self-worth, or other cultural influences, the impact is the same- Shame. Shame prohibits people from doing what it is in the very nature to do for their own survival.
Rest is not a bad thing. Is this you? Have you shamed yourself for not working enough? Do you prohibit yourself from taking a day off? Do you force your day off of work to perpetually become days of cleaning and project days at home? Where do you think you got that perspective from? Ok, sure, if you spend weeks in bed, that's probably gonna make you feel worse and is likely a sign of depression, but a couple days here or there won't make the world stop. Winter is a great time to give yourself permission to relax and have some downtime. Plants and tree go dormant in the winter. Bears, squirrels, turtles, and even the worker bee hibernates and rests in winter. After a period of rest, the world bursts back to life in the spring. If we allow ourselves permission to rest, we may Still not convinced? Scientific research strongly supports the idea that relaxation is not only beneficial but crucial for overall health and well-being. Psychological Perspective: The Mind Needs Downtime Psychology has long recognized the importance of relaxation in maintaining mental health. Chronic stress and overwork can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression. Research in cognitive psychology suggests that taking breaks and engaging in restful activities helps improve attention, creativity, and problem-solving abilities. Popular Harvard psychiatrist Daniel Siegel proposed the Healthy Mind Platter (see diagram below) that outlines the various key areas for a healthy mind and body, which include not only time for work and physical activities and sleep, but also time for relaxation, social connection and play. One key neuropsychological theory supporting relaxation is the Default Mode Network (DMN), a set of brain regions active when the mind is at rest. The DMN is crucial for self-reflection, memory consolidation, and emotional regulation. When we relax, our brain shifts into this mode, allowing for better cognitive processing and emotional well-being. Additionally, relaxation plays a critical role in regulating the autonomic nervous system (ANS). The ANS consists of the sympathetic nervous system (responsible for the fight or flight response) and the parasympathetic nervous system (which promotes rest and digestion). Chronic stress keeps the sympathetic nervous system overactive, leading to anxiety, poor sleep, and even depression. Engaging in relaxation techniques such as mindfulness, deep breathing, or even simple leisure activities helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, restoring balance and reducing stress-related mental health issues. Medical Perspective: How Relaxation Benefits the Body The impact of relaxation on physical health is well-documented in medical research. Chronic stress triggers the release of cortisol, the body's primary stress hormone. While cortisol is essential for survival, prolonged elevation can lead to numerous health issues, including:
Medical research has found that relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, progressive muscle relaxation, and deep breathing lower blood pressure, improve heart rate variability, reduce inflammation, and boost immune function. Studies in psychoneuroimmunology (the study of how the mind influences the immune system) show that people who engage in regular relaxation activities have stronger immune defenses and better overall health outcomes. Anthropological Perspective: Rest as a Cultural and Evolutionary Necessity From an anthropological standpoint, relaxation is not just a modern necessity but an ancient practice essential for survival. Human societies throughout history have recognized the importance of rest and leisure. Hunter-gatherer societies, for example, structured their lives around periods of intense activity followed by extended rest. Anthropologists have noted that these populations spend significant portions of their day engaged in socializing, storytelling, and leisure activities. Unlike industrialized societies, where work dominates daily life, traditional cultures incorporate relaxation as an integral part of existence. In many indigenous cultures, rest is tied to communal well-being. Practices such as siestas in Mediterranean societies, tea ceremonies in Japan, and mindfulness in Buddhist traditions highlight the value of structured relaxation. These traditions suggest that relaxation is not merely about physical recovery but also about fostering social bonds and mental clarity. From an evolutionary perspective, downtime is necessary for learning and adaptation. The brain consolidates experiences, integrates new knowledge, and strengthens neural connections during rest periods. This ability to switch off has likely played a role in human survival by enabling problem-solving, creativity, and resilience in the face of challenges. Practical Steps to Incorporate Relaxation Into Daily Life Understanding the necessity of relaxation is the first step; the next is implementing it into daily life. Here are some evidence-based ways to cultivate relaxation: 1. Mindfulness and Meditation -Studies show that mindfulness reduces cortisol levels and enhances emotional regulation. 2. Physical Relaxation Technique -Practices like yoga, progressive muscle relaxation, and deep breathing help reduce stress and promote bodily relaxation. 3. Set Boundaries and say No to things that you do not need to do. 4. Give Yourself Permission- assure yourself you are a good person, doing good things for yourself, and will be able to do more good things for the world when you allow yourself intermittent periods of doing NOTHING. 5. Scheduled Downtime - Setting aside time for non-work-related activities, such as reading, painting, or spending time in nature, improves overall well-being. 6. Social Connection - Engaging in meaningful conversations and social interactions helps reduce stress and fosters a sense of belonging. 7. Quality Sleep - Prioritizing good sleep hygiene (such as limiting screen time before bed and maintaining a regular sleep schedule) allows the brain and body to recover. 8. Nature Exposure - Research shows that spending time in green spaces reduces stress and enhances mental clarity. Relaxation as a Fundamental Human Need. Relaxation is not a sign of laziness, badness, or inefficiency; it is a scientifically supported necessity for both mental and physical well-being. From a psychological perspective, it enhances cognitive function and emotional resilience. Medically, it lowers stress-related health risks and strengthens the immune system. Anthropologically, relaxation is deeply embedded in human culture and survival. By embracing relaxation as a fundamental part of life, individuals can achieve better health, improved productivity, and greater overall happiness. In a world that constantly pushes for more, taking time to slow down is not just beneficial, it is essential. So go ahead, on the next snow or rainy day, listen to your body when it says it wants to stay in bed. Treat yoself! Your body will thank you later. Author Megan Garza, MA, LMFT AI assisted content  It’s February, which means Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching.
Whether this is a meaningless holiday to you, or your favorite holiday…you can’t forget to show a little love to yourself! Small ways to show yourself a little extra love: Treat yourself to a special meal Have an at-home spa day Buy yourself flowers Read a book Make up a bubble bath Practice positive affirmations Make a sweet treat (chocolate dipped strawberries are a holiday favorite!) Valentine’s Day does not have to be about romantic love. Valentine’s Day can also be showing love for family members or friends or your favorite fur baby! So, you can get creative during this holiday of love and show a little more love and gratitude for yourself and all that you are! Author: Anne Marie Mathews, MS, SMFT Anne Marie is Currently Accepting New Clients. If loneliness and feelings of isolation are triggered by this time of year, reach out today.  The word is out. Winter is in!
The fresh white snow. The cozy evenings snuggled inside in the warmth. Fire crackling in the fireplace. Mug of hot cocoa in hand. It all sounds great, doesn’t it? Well for 10-20% of adults in the US, this is not the coziest season of year. But rather, the season of the winter blues or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). But what causes this? 1. Less sunlight • It is not just the physical lack of sun on your skin, but a shift in biological clock that occurs when there is less sunlight. This internal clock is responsible for regulating mood, sleep, and hormones. 2. Brain chemical imbalance • Because sunlight helps regulate serotonin (which contributes to feelings of happiness), a lack of sunlight in the winter can exacerbate feelings of sadness. 3. Melatonin boost • Melatonin is a chemical that affects your sleep patterns and mood. With the lack of sunshine, an overstimulation of melatonin can occur. Symptoms of this include feeling sluggish and sleepy. Ok, the cold dark days are causing my sadness. What can I possibly do about that? Well. While you can’t control the season or weather, here is what you can do… 1. Start or resume therapy. Our therapists at Healing Reflections Therapy are available to help in-person or virtually. 2. Spend time with people who bring you glimmers of joy 3. Spend time outside in the limited window the sun is shining 4. Adding light to your space that mimics the sun’s light 5. Discover a new indoor hobby or rediscover one that you have not done in a while. Need ideas? Maybe baking a new recipe, painting, journaling, make a soup, reading a new book, do a home yoga or meditation video. Reference https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9293-seasonal-depression Author: Anne Marie Mathews, MS, SMFT I am currently accepting therapy clients. Feel free to reach out if you need help.  Over the holiday season people often come together with families, sometimes to celebrate, sometimes to grieve losses that tend to congregate around these times of year. As is often the case when families get together, sometimes things are said or done that are hurtful. Sometimes painful truths of the past are unmasked. People are often forced to reconcile with these new harsh truths and realities and to cope with their hurt feelings or the way they have hurt others, sometimes intentionally, but more often than not inadvertently or unintentionally, yet the hurt remains.
Dealing with the aftermath, once problems surface, means that healing and reconciliation may be needed. Some may find that their friends or family members are distant, if not not cut off from them until they attempt to acknowledge the hurt or make amends. One of the biggest challenges relationships face is when the offending party refuses really to acknowledge the harm done. A good apology is more than just saying “sorry.” Effective apologies help repair relationships, build trust, and promote healing. Here are the key elements that make an apology meaningful and effective. 1. Acknowledge the Harm What it means: Recognize the specific behavior that caused harm or hurt.
validate the other person’s feelings. 2. Take Responsibility What it means: Own up to your role in the situation without excuses or shifting blame.
Why it matters: Shifting blame undermines trust. Apologies are meaningful when they come with accountability. 3. Express Regret and Empathy What it means: Show genuine remorse for the impact your behavior had on the other person.
wounds. 4. Offer a Plan to Make Amends What it means: Outline steps to fix the mistake or prevent it from happening again.
Why it matters: Offering amends signals that you’re committed to change, not just offering empty words. 5. Be Sincere and Timely What it means: Deliver your apology with sincerity, and don’t wait too long to do so.
Why it matters: A well-timed apology keeps emotions from festering and shows the other person you care about their feelings. 6. Avoid Repeating the Same Mistake What it means: After an apology, work on personal growth to avoid the same behavior in the future.
A good apology does not ask for forgiveness of the one that has been harmed. That only further burdens the victim with guilt and responsibility. Quick Recap:
While apologizing may be hard and requires the strength of being vulnerable and swallowing your pride, when done well, the reward is worth it. Keep in mind though, if you are only apologizing as a tactic to get more of YOUR OWN needs met, the other person may see this as a manipulation tactic and may not be willing to accept it. True apologies and amends come from your own desire to heal the person you hurt, sometimes out of a commitment to faith or justice to do right, and they acknowledge that when you attempt to heal others you also heal yourself. If you are still struggling and need help, our counselors at Healing Reflections Therapy are also available to help mend the broken divides. Check out our Meet Our Therapists page to find a clinician that best fits for you. Author: Megan Garza, MA, LMFT The holidays can be rough! We are here to help. We are offering Discounted sessions for new clients starting services with Anne Marie or Jordan November 21-December 31, 2024. $10 off the first 4 sessions.    |
AuthorSMegan Garza, MA, LMFT is a certified Specialist in Treating Trauma at a Supervisory level and is Licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist. She specializes in work with complex trauma, sexual abuse survivors, and relational therapy. Archives
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