As many sexual trauma survivors are feeling re-victimized by the political climate, the justice department suddenly made changes the definitions of sexual assault, significantly narrowing it, limiting the ability for victims to receive justice, and reducing the safety of our community.  Read more here in a statement from the National Partnership to End Interpersonal Violence.
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https://www.npeiv.org/official-statements/rapid-response-to-the-redefining-of-sexual-assault

 This year has been a big couple years for sexual assault in the headlines: Bill Cosby convicted, Taylor Swift and her sexual assault case, #MeToo, Presidential scandals, Brett Kavanaugh and the supreme court seat, rape kit testing laws being passed, Betsy Devos in the Education Department making changes to Title IX in favor of rights for the accused. As we get further into opening people's eyes to the prevalence of the problem, more and more people are wanting to look away, to decry this as a politically motivated issue, and a growing concern about the status of men, to fear for the men, men saying they are afraid to be alone with women, others saying that the Metoo movement has caused REAL victims to no longer be taken seriously. I have heard that frats of businesses that traditionally supported sexual assault related causes are now shying away, distancing themselves from something they now feel attacked by. 

Despite the discomfort that this raises, more and more people have learned of their loved one's trauma histories...secrets  long buried are now revealed. People have a greater understanding of the people they are with than ever before, in some cases bringing them closer, other times pulling them apart due to lack of support.  However, despite all the talk about sexual assault, there is still so much that people do not understand, most often having to do with consent and the justice system. any people still believe the myth that most rapes are committed by strangers, that there is evidence, that there are injuries, that the case is investigated by police, that rape cases make it to trial, that rapists will be convicted, that most rape accusations are false, that victims have clear memories of what happened, that REAL victims report the crime immediately. No. Just No. These myths are simultaneously exhausting and hurtful.

Tonight I heard a great program on NPR's REVEAL that addressed many of these myths through great in-depth reporting. I recommend giving this two part program by Reporters: Mark Greenblatt and Mark Fahey of Newsy and Bernice Yeung of ProPublica a listen.

https://www.revealnews.org/episodes/case-cleared-part-1/

https://www.revealnews.org/episodes/case-cleared-part-2/


While we are on the subject of consent, check out this amazing third grade level explanation of consent that could make the world a better place if everyone had this in school. 
​https://www.instagram.com/p/BqLoW_rBeLD/

​Several of the trauma and sexual violence conferences I have attended this year have brought up the MeToo movement and where we are headed next. With Google execs walking out over sexual harassment policies protecting the accused and forcing victims into arbitration, we are seeing one angle that needs to be addressed. Along with this there needs to be more attention paid to Non-Disclosure Agreements (NDAs) and how they too serve to protect the perpetrators, not the victims. Indeed, there were multiple cases that came to light this year with high profile politicians, media giants, and actors and producers whose abuses were allowed to continue due in part to NDAs. Not only do NDAs use secrecy that protects perpetrators, but this silence is also particularly a malignant cancer for victims.  Trauma therapists have long known that a primary factor in healing is the ability to tell one's story and receive support for it. NDAs deny this to victims.   

On other fronts, groups like Equal Means Equal have been working on ratifying the Equal Rights Amendments to get equality for women and men formally recognized in the constitution...a job started in the 1970's. With recognition of the ERA, it would strengthen the ability for prosecute sexual assault related cases.  With more places like Missouri enacting strict legislation about handling and testing of rape kits, there are bound to be more changes in the justice system ahead. As more and more people continue to talk about consent, keep pushing to have these difficult conversations, keep trying to educate the public about what sexual assault really looks like, we have the potential to change the landscape of trauma and healing for generations to come. It is uncomfortable now, but change rarely happens when we are comfortable. Real change, profound change happens when we are pushed to get out of our comfort zone, to try something new, to see things from a different perspective. The entire country has been put on the "learning edge," it's up to us to decide where we go next.


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While attending a recent training with the COCAN network in St. Louis, I was reminded of a few sexual Ground Rules that are used in group treatment for Children with Problematic Sexual Behavior. Given the current political climate and wave of people reporting their prior sexual trauma experiences, it seems that a reminder of basic rules may be a good starting point for boundary discussions with adults about non-consensual sexual behavior as well. These might be some basic rules to follow for appropriate sexual behavior when you do not have enthusiastic consent with another adult. If you violate one of these rules with a co-worker or someone who is not your consenting partner, you may be at risk of inflicting trauma on someone else.

1) It is not OK to touch other people's Private parts
2) It is not OK to show your private parts to others
3) It is not OK  to look at other people's private parts
4) It is not OK to use sexual language or make other people uncomfortable with your sexual behavior
​5) It is OK to touch your own private parts as long as it is in private and doesn't take too much time.

It has been almost a month since #MeToo flooded social media. Since then, almost a daily parade of new sexual harassment, abuse, or assault allegations are being brought to light about accused perpetrators like Harvey Weinstein, James Toback, Charlie Sheen, Louis C.K., Ed Westwick, Roy Moore, and Kevin Spacey. The responses by the accused have varied from silence, to deflection, to admission, to outright denial.

Some statements have puzzled people, wondering how could they not know what they were doing was wrong or would upset someone else? Sadly, this relates to a concept frequently found in my therapy practice, in which many victims are astounded when they realize that their rapist doesn't know he is a rapist. After the assault the perpetrator may act casual, inviting them for breakfast, acting affectionate, kiss them, or invite them on another date. They behave as though what had occurred was completely consensual despite the fact that moments or hours before they were holding the victim down, whispering threats in the victim's ear, ignoring the victim's cries of pain or profound lack of interest or engagement, or ignored the fact the victim was intoxicated, passed out, or vomiting and while they pursued sex.
 
Sometimes the victim will run into the perpetrator months or years later and be astounded at how "normal" they act. They may approach them like friendly, long lost friends seeking to engage in polite conversation. They may reach out to the victim over social media with casual "hellos" and "how have you beens?" The victims may react in paralysis, fear, or rage and are additionally astounded when they see the look of confusion reflected in their perpetrator's face.

The victim/survivor comes into my office begging the question: Is it possible that my rapist does not know he raped me? Sadly, in some instances, the answer may be yes. For those that lack empathy, awareness of others boundaries or feelings may not exist. The default is: if this benefits me, my actions are ok. Lack of empathy can be the bi-product of someone in a status of power or privilege, "Just boys being boys," "locker room talk," or "old school." For other sexual violence perpetrators, they may have a sense, if not clearly know what they did was wrong, but use elements of denial, minimization, deflecting blame, or manipulation to escape any form of personal accountability to seep into their conscious awareness.

Is it possible that some of these celebrities really did not know that what they were doing was wrong? Well, since they kept the secret and did not exhibit those behaviors in public, then probably on some level they did know. I would argue that they probably were in a position that did not serve them well to think it was wrong.  "He/she really wants this," "They deserve this," "I deserve this," "They like how it feels," "Everybody does it" are all arguments used to justify sexual violence. Think of it this way: if you were about to step on an ant and crush it, you would probably tell yourself that have good reason to do so, that it won't matter, that they cannot feel anything, that you are really being helpful...but you can do this because essentially you see the ant as significantly less powerful and less important than yourself. At least if you think about killing a shark you may still justify the kill, but you will still probably worry about the consequences to yourself because the shark is inherently more powerful. Power, control, status, privilege, and lack of empathy play important roles in supporting rape culture. When way are so inundated in rape culture, like a lobster in pot slowly brought to a boil, we may not even realize we are in danger of becoming the next meal because the environment around us was already so unhealthy in the first place.
Megan Garza, MA, LMFT  2011011850 MO
Sexual Trauma Therapist ​

A common misconception is that rapes must happen by force. People often visualize a bloody, battered victim who yelled and tried to fight back against a stranger who pulled them into the bushes. This is a very  unlikely scenario for a variety of reasons, one being that 75-85% of sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone the victim knows, not a stranger. Often, the perpetrator is a friend or a loved one, possibly even a spouse or partner. Definitions of Sexual assault/abuse/rape all can include "lack of consent". When someone is drugged, unconscious, asleep, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, disabled and unable to understand the situation, or too young, or in a situation where they are compromised and unable to make a reasonable decision, they lack they ability to consent to sex. No resistance is necessary. Federal rape law is: "Penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim."
State laws vary.

Unfortunately, many people who are sexually abused are "frozen" with fear or dissociated at the time of their assault and are unable to fight, yell, or struggle. This sadly leads them to inappropriately blame themselves or for others to blame them for the abuse instead of the one truly at fault, the perpetrator.

If you have watched the news, followed twitter or facebook in the past month you may have noticed a couple important discussions of drug facilitated sexual assault AKA: date rape drugging

Musical artist Cee Lo Green recently plead No Contest to spiking a woman's drink with ecstasy, she later woke up naked next to him with missing memories. Subsequent to his plea, he to took to twitter to make some damning statements about his lack of understanding about consent that resulted in a swift public backlash.

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/music/posts/la-et-ms-cee-lo-green-ecstasy-no-contest-rape-twitter-20140902-story.html


In addition, a debate was recently sparked about college students working to develop nail polish that would detect the presence of date rape drugs by using your finger to stir your drink.  The debate is over whether it is appropriate to put the onus on women to prevent sexual assault, which could risk a greater victim blaming culture (why didn't she use the nail polish to test her drink?) rather than putting the blame on perpetrators.

http://www.newsweek.com/controversy-over-nail-varnish-date-rape-drug-detector-267126