Here at Healing Reflections Therapy, as we continue to celebrate Pride Month and reflect on the current political climate in our state, nation, and world, we continue to be certain that services from specialized clinicians provided to LGBTQ+ clients continue to be just as if not more necessary and relevant than they were in the past.  The statement, “Pride was a riot,” is meant to highlight the fact that the community resistance at the Stonewall Tavern that gave rise to the first Pride events and parades was initiated and encouraged by a brick rumored to have been thrown by a trans woman and by the specific trans women: Stormé DeLarverie, Marsha Johnson, and Sylvia Rivera.  The significance of this being two fold, that, although many may assume that only gay men were involved in the events of Stonewall, the entire community was both targeted for oppression in public spaces and showed out to face down police brutality and aggression and also that Pride is not only about celebrating, dressing up, consuming alcohol, but also has a deep historical significance. 
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Pride was a riot because at the time, members of the LGBTQ+ community did not have body autonomy or control over their own treatment and healthcare.  Queer and trans identities were marginalized to such an extent that no one could be out and get proper checkups, STD testing, gender-affirming medical care  At the beginning of the AIDS crisis, people were forced to take poisonous meds and obtain them through creative and non medically-sanctioned means.  As we know, although strides have been made such as one pill/day HIV meds and hormone replacement therapy (HRT)being readily available on an informed consent basis, there are now constant attacks on Ryan White HIV federal funding and gender affirming care for both minors and adults with state coverage or VA benefits.  There have been multiple attempts to ban trans soldiers from serving in the military and take their retirements.

Pride was a riot because gatherings of LGBTQ+ folx were criminalized and romantic relationships were not broadly seen as legitimate.  Stonewall happened in part because it was illegal for gay and trans people to be drinking at a bar together as well as it being illegal for any sexual activity to happen between anyone and the police response mirrored those prohibitions.  How do you connect if you cannot build community?  How do you feel safe when there is nowhere at home or in public that you can be yourself and not be arrested.  Obergefell Hodges went through in 2015, so gay marriage has only been legal for 11 years.  As with all other LGBTQ+ rights, there have already been multiple attempts to take Obergefell to the Supreme Court and have it overturned.  This in addition to dozens of anti-LGBTQ+ bills being debated and sometimes passed into law in many states in their country in the past 2 years.  Murders of Trans people continue to be so prolific that they are actively tracked and memorialized on Trans Day of Remembrance.  

Pride was a riot because the Queer and Trans community was being treated as less than human.  One need look no further than the plethora of bathroom bills meant to strip Trans people of the dignity to use public facilities and anecdotal examples of strangers policing the genders of others in the restroom with them and making demands to see that it is not safe to be Trans and use the bathroom or even to be someone that anyone things looks different than their assigned sex and corresponding gender role.  Policies criminalizing gender affirming care for minors in some states have caused youth and their parents to lose care, have to move to other states, have side effects and poor outcomes from going off of needed medications.  Trans adults we see worry that they will need to stockpile their hormones in order to continue to be on HRT once all gender affirming care could conceivable be banned.

In some ways, now more than ever, being Queer or Trans means having a target on your back and being unsafe in public, private, even in previously thought of safe spaces.  It is almost worse that some headway had been made, rights were conferred and and are now under attack in a manner worse than ever before.  As LGBT!+ affirming therapists, we know not just the terminology, relationship structures, and social norms that exist in our clents’ lives, we also realize that they currently fear for their lives, relationships, healthcare and employment.  That is why it is more important than ever to stand in solidarity with them and provide one of the only safe holding environments they may currently have in our office and virtually.  We see you, we value you, the world is so much better and brighter with you in it!  We are blessed to hear about your stories, strengths, and resilience every day.  There is nothing else we would rather do.

Author: Chris Scarberry, LPC
Chris is a Therapist accepting clients at Healing Reflections Therapy

Summer is a great time for social events like Pride and Juneteenth festivals, 4th of July celebrations, family BBQs and reunions, weddings, concerts, and camping trips. But for those with social anxiety, PTSD, and agoraphobia, these events can be the source of worry, stress, dread, shame, guilt, and relationship conflict.

I often have clients lamenting that they want a more enriched life beyond their bed or home, but don’t know how to strike a balance with their fear and nervous system dysregulation.  They realize that they are missing out on potentially beneficial experiences but are unsure how to best cope with their social anxiety and challenge themselves.

One thing that surprises people who have lifelong struggles with anxiety is that it is one of the mental health areas that is highly amenable to treatment when given the right combination of resources and approaches. Does that mean a type A person can become a type B person, probably not, but for those whose lives feel unmanageable, science has proven that collaborative therapy along with the appropriate medications can make a substantial difference in someone's baseline anxiety levels.

The bad news is that in order for things to get better, you usually have to get a little bit uncomfortable first; usually through a series of small dose exposures to the situation that causes anxiety and pairing it with relaxation strategies to regulate the nervous system.

So what does that mean for managing these big summer events? What can you do to make things better?

• Start in small doses. Make steps toward change one small step at a time. Start practicing with going to smaller event, one you are more familiar with, or closer to home. Plan to be there for a shorter duration of time than the entire event.
• Make a plan. Before you go, think about your strategy for how you will handle it if your anxiety starts to flare. Talk with the people in your party beforehand about it. Take your own form of transportation so you do not have to rely on someone else if you need to leave or need a quiet place to retreat.  Consider taking breaks if applicable.
• Research the venue. Give yourself an added sense of control by getting a picture of the space and region.  Understand the layout and exits and bathrooms from the start. Also look for quiet hideaway spaces or places with grass or calming scenery.
• Give yourself permission to leave early. This is a tricky one. When tackling anxiety, making an appearance is better than nothing at all. It is ok to leave an event early. However, be mindful that leaving an area that is the source of anxiety if you are having a panic attack tends to reinforce leaving and avoidance- it is essentially giving a lollypop to the screaming toddler in the checkout lane, only increasing that same likelihood of future unwanted behavior. Ideally, it is best to use your coping skills and wait until the panic attack has reached its peak (usually within 5-15 minutes) and has started to come back down before leaving the situation.  Knowing you are only planning on staying at an event for 30 minutes from the get-go can make a difficult situation more tolerable.
  
  If you want to avoid hurting others feelings, it is often best to let them know your intentions to only stay a brief time or that you might choose to leave if your anxiety level is higher than you can manage. For family events, hopefully you know and trust them enough to disclose to them that you are working on overcoming your anxiety concerns and they will not take your early departure personally. 
  
  When it comes to leaving early, it is probably not advisable to go with someone to see their favorite artist or commit to a week at Burningman and want to leave early without causing hurt feelings. So be mindful of which situations you decide to try to expand your window of tolerance on.
• Identify safe people to attend with who understand your concerns and are willing to support you. Having a supportive person or pet with you can go a long way in building your security as you practice your skills. A great accountability partner can be there to remind you of your skills and help coach you or be a great distraction when needed. Remember, secrecy and shame often go together. Your willingness to be open about your struggles can create an opportunity for real, meaningful connection. People are often much more judgmental when they do not understand something and are more likely to take others' actions personally.  Openness can change defensiveness.
• Practice positive coping skills. If you don't already know them, look into some deep breathing techniques like box breathing, practice progressive muscle relaxation, use grounding skills related to your senses and things you see, hear, taste, touch, and smell in your environment. Have a relaxation playlist at the ready.
• Bring a relaxation tool kit. Pack a bag with things that you can use to help you feel better- some tea, ice water, an altoid to help you ground, a frozen lemon to squeeze and use your 5 senses, a stress ball, your favorite worry stone or crystal, a ring of your coping skills cards, some noise canceling headphones, some snacks to help regulate your body, something with your favorite smell on it, pictures of your favorite things on your phone, have a meditation app saved on your phone, and/or bring a blanket to lay down on.
• Know your limits.  Don't push yourself too far or too fast or you will likely worsen the anxiety and become flooded. The goal is mastery one step at a time. 
• Sit/park on the periphery. Some events and venues can seem overwhelming with the crowds, but a lot of time you can wait to come in later or park and walk from far away to give yourself more space. Many times there are far away spaces away from the crowds that allow you to be there and enjoy it but from further distance. Your car can always be a place that you come back to to take breaks intermittently.
• Practice Visualization exercises. Prior to the event, visualize yourself walking through each step of the process, imagine how you would react to challenges and see yourself mastering them while practicing relaxation strategies to calm yourself.​
• Take breaks. You don't have to always leave, you can also give yourself permission to take breaks by going to the car, a bathroom, your tent, a quiet room, standing outside a venue. You can do this multiple times an hour if you need to and still be part of the festivities, but also allow yourself room to calm your nervous system.

Anxiety can be crippling, but there is hope and you don't have to go though this process alone. If you are wanting to work with a counselor on social anxiety, PTSD, or agoraphobia reach our to one of our therapists today at Healing Reflections Therapy.

Authors: Megan Garza, MA, LMFT, Chris Scarberry, MA, LPC
Megan is a Therapist at Healing Reflections Therapy

I’m willing to bet that, at some point, someone has suggested that you try journaling as a coping skill. I know I’ve recommended it to nearly every client I’ve had at some point, and I often get a disappointed look and a series of reasons why they don’t or don’t want to.
Maybe some of these sound like you:
“I tried journaling, but I couldn’t keep up with it.”
“There is too much to write, and I get overwhelmed.”
“I’m not Anne Frank, I don’t have anything interesting to write about, so what is the point?”
“I don’t want anyone to find my journal and read what I write.”
“How is writing down what I ate for lunch and how boring my meetings were going to help me?”
Good news! You don’t have to be Anne Frank to journal, and that is not all that journaling is!

There Are No Rules

• You do NOT have to write in your journal daily.
• You don’t have to include any details about your day.
• You don’t have to catch your journal up after not writing in it for 18 months.
• You don’t have to write in a way that makes sense to anyone but you.
• You don’t have to write your deepest, darkest secrets to benefit from journaling.
• You don’t need the perfect notebooks, pens, highlighters, or stencils to journal. Any writing surface or digital writing platform will work just fine, depending on your intentions.
• There is no need to have profound, unique insights in your journal. What you write is just for you.
• You don’t have to have complete sentences, proper grammar, spelling, or formatting.  
• Your handwriting doesn’t even have to be legible. You can scribble, write with your non-dominant hand, or write on the same line over and over again so that words can no longer be recognized.
• You can journal in images, sketches, bullet points, single words, or scribbles.
• You can choose whether to share it or not with someone you trust.
• You can lock it away and never look at it again.
• You can destroy the page when you’re done with it, or destroy it in the process of writing.

Reflection
What rules have you put on journaling? Are they holding you back from a potentially helpful coping skill or therapeutic tool?

Potentially therapeutic journal techniques include but are not limited to: gratitude journaling, writing about what went well in your day, “thorns and roses,” venting, reflections on your day, insights from your therapy session, notes for things you want to talk about in sessions, processing and exploring a difficult experience or emotion, writing a trauma narrative, stream of consciousness, mood and emotion tracking, art or collage journaling, photo journaling, autobiographical writing, composing a letter to someone you’ll never send, or writing from a prompt.

Reevaluate your relationship with journaling and give it another shot. It is one of many ways that can further our therapeutic skills and keep us focused on our goals between sessions. Find what works for you!

Author: McKayla Kagie Robinson, MS, PLMFT
McKayla is a Therapist at Healing Reflections Therapist. Contact her to set up an appointment.

Our day-to-day lives are chaotic and filled with distressing news, world events, and other causes for stress that we have no control over. Meditation practice has long been established as a path towards mental, emotional, and physical healing. The mind-body connection is one that is often neglected.

You may have tried meditation before and decided it is not for you for one of the following reasons:

• “I can’t make my mind quiet/blank.”
• “I can’t sit still for that long/I don’t have the time.”
• “I try, but I just get frustrated that I’m not doing it right/well enough.”

Meditation has a lot of misconceptions tied to it, and a lot of the concerns people have when trying meditation revolve around those misconceptions and set them up for feeling like failures. The goal of meditation does not have to be to reach the point where you can meditate for hours, with no thoughts, and full control over your mind and body to the point where you can levitate off the ground. We’ll save those aspirations for the Monks.


The goal of therapeutic meditation is simply to practice. Practice checking in with your body, emotions, and thoughts. Practice slowing down enough to be able to communicate with your body, recognize your emotions, hear out your thoughts, and spend some time addressing the concerns brought to your attention. We are not looking for a blank slate- we are looking for what we have been ignoring or neglecting.


Another great benefit to practicing meditation is learning how to engage or disengage with your anxious thoughts. The meditation linked below is called a “Leaves on a Stream” meditation. The idea is to practice observing your thoughts, especially the anxious ones, as they come up, acknowledge them, and then let them continue flowing downstream without attaching any judgment or action to them.


I encourage you to try it out! It is less than 10 minutes long and is something you can do from anywhere during your day. Now, it will not be something that you are automatically good at, and it may go differently each time you practice it, depending on your headspace when you start. However, the only objective here is to try. Try it, practice it, and keep practicing it. If you do that, you have succeeded! You will have connected with your mind and body even for just 6 minutes, and that is 6 more minutes of connection that you would otherwise have.


Despite my encouragement, you may not believe that meditation can make a difference, but I dare you to try it and be curious about what effects it can have."

Author: McKayla Kagie Robinson, MS, PLMFT
McKayla is a Therapist at Healing Reflections Therapy. She is currently accepting clients.
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More and more people are using AI to assist with their mental health needs, and new tools and platforms are being built to expand on this. Clients are using AI to keep them accountable, to locate therapists, to learn coping skills and emotion regulation skills, to track their sobriety, to create mood logs, and to help them recognize patterns in their behavior and symptoms. Some clients are using AI to  create healthy meal plans. Others are using it to identify red flags in dating conversations or to help them figure out signs if someone is into them.

But as AI gains familiarity, some folks are turning to AI for much more than resources; they are using it to fill gaps in their emotional intimacy needs. They are using AI as a pocket therapist, an in-home life coach, as a friend, and sometimes as a romantic or sexual companion.

How did we get to where AI filled such a void within us?
In 2023, the surgeon general declared loneliness an epidemic negatively impacting mental health.  Between political values dividing the dating scene, the disappearance of traditional third spaces like churches for meetups, and decreasing alcohol usage, the fuel and kindling that historically gave rise to so many relational fires, albeit disastrous ones, many folks today just don’t know where or how to authentically connect. Now add the economic crisis and rising costs of insurance, making mental healthcare difficult to access, and you have the perfect condition for relationship problems and isolation. 

Enter AI.

The AI Affair
AI chatbots are being used as tools for social connection, a friend, a helper, a nonjudgmental encourager, with some people stating their family members think they are directly talking to a human friend at-the-ready. Some are crossing the dimensions into developing intimate relationships with AI, where they substitute human companionship. As so many sci-fi movies have predicted, the future is here, and of course, humans being humans, people have also started using AI for sexting with chatbots. Arguably, a more ethical arm of the porn industry, due to not requiring the exploitation of vulnerable women and other individuals, but not without its own problems. AI porn is built by stealing the art and original imagery of real humans, some of whom may have consented, others may not have to their original use, reproduction, or misrepresentation.  For those in relationships, finding out your partner is in a sexual relationship with a chatbot without your knowledge or consent can lead to problems with trust, anger, resentment, betrayal trauma, breakups, and divorce. And those folks are already showing up in therapy rooms and divorce courts.

The AI Substitute Therapist
Over the past year, I’ve encountered more and more people using AI to assist in their therapy between sessions.  Indeed, I rarely go a day anymore without hearing clients talking about their collaborative use of AI to aid the therapeutic healing, most of which they find very effective.

The AI Couple Therapist
Some folks are turning to AI to determine whether or not they are in domestic violence relationships and how to communicate with their emotionally abusive partner. We have heard multiple women report putting their partner’s words into the chat and then using the chat’s response to send back to their partners in an effort to de-escalate or set clear boundaries.

The AI Family Therapist
Similarly, we have heard multiple family members report trying to resolve family conflicts through AI chat. One family member will hurt another family member, then turn to AI to write an apology letter for them. Sometimes, the AI-assisted apology letter is a considerably better attempt at repair than anything the other person has historically offered verbally. Sometimes, family recognizes the AI assist, sometimes they don’t and are seemingly content with the attempt at repair. 

But what happens when both people are using chat to write their responses? It comes down to a question of whether any true skills are being developed, or whether people are outsourcing their relationships and avoiding conflict, and how to learn conflict resolution skills. AI should be a tool, not a replacement; otherwise, we would be left with a modern-day dystopian Cyrano De Bergerac where two AI machines are transferring messages back and forth to one another, masquerading as their human puppets who show up with placid smiles after the conflict, ready to hug and make up. 

The AI Psychologist
Some are using AI to try to diagnose their mental health concerns. The problem, of course being that AI results are largely based on the information you give it, and frankly, it can be a bit of a brown-noser in trying to get your approval. More often than not, it tells you what you want to hear. It cannot tell you what you do not know or understand about yourself, which is especially problematic for folks who lack insight or are poor reporters. Nor can it observe your body language, tone, and micro-expressions that are key to understanding human behavior.

Recently, in 2025, an AI mental health software firm, Yara AI, closed after the developers determined that further development of their product was “too dangerous” for users in crisis and would cause more harm than good. It was preceded by similar closures from Woebot, Tessa, and Clarigent Health.

One AI company has already come under fire for contributing to psychosis and suicide. In one recent case, a 16-year-old who died by suicide was discouraged by AI from seeking help and was offered assistance in writing a suicide note. There have been reports from psych hospitals receiving an increase in AI-related psychosis.

Adding onto the problem, recently OpenAI came under fire after it was discovered that the shooter in a mass killing event in Tumbler Ridge Canada had been using their service and was detected for “furtherance of violent activities” and was kicked off the platform months prior, but the failure of the developers to report the issue to authorities has created a question of liability and whether or not the crisis could have been averted.

Multiple states have started to initiate legislation to rein in the expanse of AI in mental health spheres as recognition of the problems and limitations grows. 
Certainly, as a clinician, there has already been growing fear of jobs being encroached on by the tech and venture capitalist sector, but more important is the larger human risk. As therapists, we know that the research has been clear that the biggest indicator of successful outcomes in therapy are not about what tools are used, what certifications someone has, the type of modality or intervention applied that could be replicated by an algorithm, but by the therapeutic relationship itself. The healing art of dynamic human connection. The unquantifiable algorithmic element.

Much like the development of the printing press, the automobile, the assembly line, the computer, and the internet, AI is not going away, nor is the human demand for it. The question remains, how do we best use the tools to our benefit? And perhaps the larger question remains for both users and developers exists in the bioethics realm, similar to that of growing the Jurassic Park dinosaurs: Are we so focused on what we could do with AI to meet our intimacy needs, that we are forgetting to stop and ask ourselves if we should?

So, in conclusion, this is just your friendly neighborhood therapist reminding you o remember to stay connected to real people and use AI only a tool/resource, not a replacement for human connection.

This article was written by a human without the aid of AI.

Author: Megan Garza, MA, LMFT

Sources
https://www.ama-assn.org/public-health/population-health/loneliness-public-health-crisis-learn-how-screen-it

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/feb/21/tumbler-ridge-shooter-chatgpt-openai

https://stateline.org/2026/01/15/ai-therapy-chatbots-draw-new-oversight-as-suicides-raise-alarm/

https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2025/09/19/nx-s1-5545749/ai-chatbots-safety-openai-meta-characterai-teens-suicide

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/amp/show/what-to-know-about-ai-psychosis-and-the-effect-of-ai-chatbots-on-mental-health

https://fortune.com/2025/11/28/yara-ai-therapy-app-founder-shut-down-startup-decided-too-dangerous-serious-mental-health-issues/

The Working Alliance (1994) Horvath & Greenberg. John Wiley & Sons: NY

​Jurassic Park (1993)

The level of social support is the number one predictor of outcomes after trauma. Having support from a loved one came be a critical step in the healing process. Many family members ache when they see their loved one's suffer and are desperate to help them find relief, and to find relief for themselves of the anxiety and distress the helpless creates.

Seeking mental health support from a family member has some pros and cons. In general, seeking out therapy can be helpful, however not everyone is ready to take that step for themself. This can become a point of distress as family members get desperate for change with ongoing worry. 

Here are some things that therapists want you to know when you reach out on their behalf.

1)Reaching out to therapists on behalf of someone else takes away their sense of agency/responsibility for their therapy process and can be a sign of patterns of enabling or codependence.
All too often  well meaning loved ones reach out on someone else's behalf for therapy, but more often than not those individuals have little motivation to participate in the process. When you make the call for them, it takes away their ownership of the issue. Well meaning family members can become enablers by allowing these individuals to not have to take the role of responsible adults. Women often complain that they get cast in the role of mother to their spouses, but they often enable the very problem they are frustrated with by continuing to make the calls for doctors visits and setting up the appointments for them.

2) Lack of motivation to reach out to a therapist is often predictive of one's motivation to participate in the treatment process.
Often therapists find that when someone else makes the arrangement for someone to attend therapy, the person making the call is more distressed and ready for change than the client is. As much as you want them to change, they may not be ready to. Part of the process of reaching otu to a therapist, filling out the intake forms, and coming to the first session is all part of someone's preparation for change. It involves accepting there is a problem, that you need help, and that you are willing to take steps to make change. When people are just "visiting" therapy and not ready to make change, they usually do not attend past the intake sessions, if they bother to show up for the intake at all. Prochaska & Diclemente (1983) developed the stages of change model that highlights the cycle and one's readiness to change, particularly as it applies to addiction, though this pattern is applicable to the overall therapy process.
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3) Confidentiality is a barrier for us.
While you may want to advocate for them, your advocacy can only go so far when we are dealing with another adult who is their own guardian. Therapists are required to maintain confidentiality with their clients, so once they make contact, we cannot really communicate with you about them without a release. 

What about when your family member is too ill or depressed to advocate for themself or is a poor reporter/historian?

If someone is in a mental health crisis situation there a few options to consider. This situation is different than a situation where someone is enabling, but more occurs when the client is in such a poor state, they lack the capacity to take the steps for themself. For example, someone who is experiencing psychosis and cannot distinguish reality from a delusion, someone that is so depressed they are near catatonic and bed ridden, someone whose OCD has lead to a hazardous hoarding situation, or someone who is experiencing a manic episode and is engaging in high risk behavior, or someone who has been abusing substances or has been having a reaction to medication and they are seemingly not themself. In each of these scenarios, these folks likely need immediate help. Going to an ER or the nearest psychiatric facility may be the best option to immediately manage the crisis. If a person already has a psychiatrist or therapist, reaching out to them to let the know what is going on can be a tremendous help.

Generally, you can send mental health professionals information, but we cannot acknowledge it or send anything back to you without a consent to release information from the client. Exceptions to this rule may apply if there is an imminent threat to the life of the client or someone else.

As much as I encourage clients to take responsibility for their mental health and challenge when folks are enabling, there have been many times over the years that I have encouraged family members to write letters to their loved one's doctor or to call the office and leave a message to inform them if a crisis has developed or if there are significant pieces of information about symptoms necessary for the clinician to make an adequate diagnosis and appropriate treatment plan, and for their doctor to be able to prescribe the appropriate medications. These methods, when necessary can be absolute game changers in the trajectory of a client's mental health outcomes. 

When we have a release and family therapy or coordination of care is part of the treatment
As family therapists, especially when working with children it is very difficult to make changes with the child if the rest of the family is not on board and participating in the treatment. Some of the best results I have ever seen as trauma therapist have come immediately after sessions using Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) when parents are brought into the session to help process/witness the trauma of their child. Secrets are eliminated and parents are coached on how to be effective supporters in the present. The shame the child was experiencing dissipates and healing takes place in the family system.

Although interventions with loved one's have long been used in substance abuse recovery, there are mixed reviews of the efficacy of these attempts.


What about if it's a Britney situation and we think we need to become guardians or conservators in order to help our family member?

Sometimes a person is not well enough to take care of themself. They refuse treatment. They struggle with having the capacity to recognize the risk to themselves. In some cases, a person can apply for a conservatorship or guardianship with the courts. The court determines if this is appropriate.

Sometimes, when a family member is severely chronically ill and it no longer feels like there is another way to get them help to save their life, this step can be helpful.

However, it can also come with a large price. Family members have the burden of assuming medical and financial responsibility for their impaired family member, which is often a thankless, tiring, and exhausting job. The task and the subsequent blowback of resentment and fight for control from the client can result in major conflicts, and sometimes complete dissolution in the relationship between family members. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished. As we all saw with what happened with Britney Spears and her family over the conservatorship and when it was lifted, the process and outcome were complicated in their impact.

So, should you help a family member? Absolutely! But before you take those next steps, carefully consider your role, expectations of them, ask yourself whether it is possible they can do this for themself and how your involvement may help or hurt. Consider the impact that your helping may have on your own mental health.

Remember local resources like the 988 mental health crisis line as well as NAMI, AA, Al-Anon,  SAMHSA, and Psychology Today  are all excellent ways to help for yourself or to send the information to a loved one to encourage them to take steps for their own mental well being. If you think that maybe you are struggling with codependence with a family member, you can look into a CODA group for yourself.

Author
~Megan Garza, MA, LMFT

Therapy has become increasingly accepted as a norm for health treatment, especially since covid. As historical barriers of stigma and shame fall away, more and more people are embracing hope and change and looking for therapists to help them facilitate healing, but sometimes struggle with where to start.

One option for finding a good therapist or mental health treatment center is to ask your family, friends, or colleagues for recommendations. High praise from someone you know can go a long way in building trust with your provider.

Another option is to check with your insurance company. If you check the back of your insurance card, there is usually a number you can call and they can help with referrals for providers in your network. Better yet, go to the insurance companies Doc Find on their website, which usually allows you to add in filters for your selection and find providers nearest you.

A third recommended option is using Psychology Today's search field at www.psychologytoday.com
Many reputable clinicians use this for their marketing. You can read about each clinician in detail, view their fees, insurances taken, and specialty areas, and even watch video snapshots of them.

Of course Google can also locate someone near you, but that may be driven more by sponsoring ads than who is the best fitting provider near you.

Alternatively, crisis lines like BHR can also help link you to social service organizations, psychiatrists, and mental health facilities.

There are low-fee sliding scale therapists available through memberships at Open Path Collective.

What about the venture capital backed companies (VC) that you see the ads for a lot? These are usually the first 3-5 companies that pop on any any search result for a therapist now. There are many options for therapists available through them as well, but the controversy surrounding them is increasingly mounting, with more and more pressure to push back against the Walmart effect and risk of healthcare monopolies with conflicts of interest and how they impact your healthcare and your local community. You can read more about that here.

You don't have to go through this alone. Many people are available to help. 
A word to the wise, be patient, sometimes places may have long wait lists or be slow to return calls, if at all. It may be beneficial to reach out to multiple providers initially and see who is most responsive to your needs.

How to know if the therapist is a good fit?

An important quality is competence, does the therapist have specialized training or certifications in the area, symptom, or diagnosis that you need help with? Do they primarily do individual or couple or family counseling? How long have they been working in that area to develop a solid set of skills for complicated needs? 

Do they do in-person, virtual, or a combination of both that may make them more accessible or easier for you connect with or be vulnerable.

Does the therapist specialize in Christian counseling or are they general, non-religiously focused? Choosing a therapist that works within a framework you are comfortable with can be helpful.

If you are a member of a marginalized population, does the therapist understand those complexities or needs so that you feel safe? A therapist doesn't have to be a member of that population to be helpful, but they do need to have culturally competency or willingness to approach with openness and non-judgement.

Are you wanting only wanting validation or change? Therapy can feel really good if you are supported and the therapy gives lots of validation, but that doesn't always result in change. One major difference between a friend and a therapist is a therapist is specifically there to help you work on your goals to change, which may mean they tell you things that can be hard to hear and encourage you to do things you are uncomfortable with, for the sake of your recovery. If the therapist only validates you, it may feel good, but might not always result in the change you are seeking.

And lastly, what is the general vibe of the therapist? How do you feel about their demographics and personality?  Look over their website, their psychology today profiles and videos, do they seem like someone you could jive with?

Tempering your Expectations
Sometimes we hear about folks that therapist hop, looking for the "perfect fit," much like dating, it's not likely you will find the "perfect therapist". They are humans and can make mistakes, but are they open to learning and making change to meet your needs, or are you willing to accept that maybe they are telling you something you need to hear instead of what you want to hear? Therapists also encourage the client to do the hard work, not them. So if you are expecting them to do all the work, you may feel frustrated with long silences and delayed in progress. The more you modulate your expectations, the happier you may be about the result.

Sometimes when folks are not ready for therapy, they easily find barriers. It is a good idea to think about whether you are screening out providers who would otherwise be a fit for this reason.  When people strongly desire change and are ready to do the work, they may not overemphasize what certifications the therapist has, or how far away they are, or what times they offer, or what the cost is.  They will be willing to do anything to access the service they need at the moment and are also willing to do the hard work in the process.

Conversely, if a therapist makes you feel unsafe or judged, it makes sense to listen to your gut and move on.

Hopefully this helps and you can find your way to a clinician that helps you meet your needs. Good luck, and good health!

Authors, Megan Garza, MA, LMFT & Chris Scarberry, MA, LPC

In doing counseling with clients who have substance abuse concerns and disorders, I
often draw from the world of 12-Step recovery. One of the concepts that comes out of
the wisdom of AA is the idea of People, Places, and Things. In order for someone who
abuses substances or things like food or sex to change their behavior and maintain their
progress, it is usually necessary to change the people with whom they associate, the
places they frequent, and items with which they regularly come in contact. The world
that someone in that situation has created is often filled with other people who abuse
substances, places the person goes to use those substances, and items that are
components of their use pattern.

The comedian Bill Hicks once said that the only things a man needs in order to be come
someone who has an alcohol use disorder are, “the right bar, the right girl, and the right
friends.” I have always liked that quote because it acknowledges that anyone can
become someone who abuses something or other given a few circumstances. While I
appreciate the wisdom of the disease model of addiction and also see people who
abuse substances as having a likely chemical imbalance and a genetic predisposition to
addictive behavior, there is also a role that habit, modeling, and circumstances play in
substance abuse and life in general.

I have always felt that in the “nature versus nurture” debate, the answer is both. As
such, people who abuse substances tend to think in such a way as to maintain the
addiction and the circumstances that give rise to it. Changing people may be the
hardest of the three. It may mean cutting off contact with family or close friends
temporarily or indefinitely. Sometimes new ways of interacting with them can be
negotiated, but sometimes not. When I quit smoking cigarettes many years ago, having
a romantic partner who believed I could and should do and did not smoke herself was a
huge factor in the longevity of my ability to cease and desist from using tobacco. If
someone has a problem with methamphetamine and chooses to stay with their partner
who abuses meth also, one can imagine all of the temptation and other challenges that
will continue to bring into their life while they try to pretend that they are quitting in a
vacuum.

I have seen some of the places people should consider avoiding be the route to the
liquor store they normally go to, places that are trauma triggers that may make them
want to use to self-medicate, childhood homes, their drug dealer’s house and so forth.
Sometimes if avoiding those things is not suggested by a peer or professional, it does
not occur to the user. I have seen numerous people with alcohol problems believe they
can/should work in a bar and have encouraged them to consider other options. There
are countless rituals and routines around using that the person will benefit from
breaking or at least interrupting.

“Things,” can be paraphernalia, numbers in ones phone, the actual substance they use.
I have seen people hold onto a stash of tobacco, drugs, or alcohol because they say
they feel more comfortable still having it if they need it. While this may work as a form
of harm-reduction at first, it is likely not sustainable long-term. Initially keeping alcohol
around with hopes to one day drink in moderation also seems premature in my
experience. In short, every person who abuses substances or struggles with other
compulsive behavior has a list of people, places and things that they need to evaluate
and possibly partially or completely liquidate in order to best prevent relapses into old
behavior. These are always unique to each person.
​
Once someone is far enough along the stages of change to take action, they are more
likely to take this recommendation or see that this work needs to be done without
guidance. Sponsorship within AA/NA, counseling, or just some serious conversations
with concerned loved ones can also wake a substance abuser up to a lot of their
patterns of behavior and once they have this solid information, it is up to them to
personalize it and choose to take it from there.

Avoidance can cause prolonged grief, traumatic reactions and the like and, as such,
therapists typically advise clients to face their fears, explore underlying emotional
responses and the like. By contrast, avoiding people, places, and things is an adaptive
tool for people to use in recovery because they have likely already identified the
underlying emotion, have no sound reason to be around their substance of choice given
the corresponding cravings that may ensue, and are or will become aware that trying to
master regularly being tempted just isn’t worth it.

Author: Chris Scarberry, LPC
Chris is Therapist and CO-founder of Healing Reflections Therapy and is available to see clients in recovery.

A common theme that comes up in therapy is people holding the belief that rest is a bad thing and that they are somehow bad if they allow themselves to rest. Relaxation is often seen as a luxury rather than a necessity. Many people equate being busy with being productive, often neglecting the essential need to rest. Whether it developed from messages passed down in their family, their church, the Puritan work ethic, capitalistic influences on productivity and self-worth, or other cultural influences, the impact is the same- Shame. Shame prohibits people from doing what it is in the very nature to do for their own survival. 

Rest is not a bad thing. 

Is this you? Have you shamed yourself for not working enough? Do you prohibit yourself from taking a day off? Do you force your day off of work to perpetually become days of cleaning and project days at home? Where do you think you got that perspective from? Ok, sure, if you spend weeks in bed, that's probably gonna make you feel worse and is likely a sign of depression, but a couple days here or there won't make the world stop.

Winter is a great time to give yourself permission to relax and have some downtime. Plants and tree go dormant in the winter. Bears, squirrels, turtles, and even the worker bee hibernates and rests in winter. After a period of rest, the world bursts back to life in the spring. If we allow ourselves permission to rest, we may 

Still not convinced? Scientific research strongly supports the idea that relaxation is not only beneficial but crucial for overall health and well-being. 

Psychological Perspective: The Mind Needs Downtime

Psychology has long recognized the importance of relaxation in maintaining mental health. Chronic stress and overwork can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression. Research in cognitive psychology suggests that taking breaks and engaging in restful activities helps improve attention, creativity, and problem-solving abilities.

Popular Harvard psychiatrist Daniel Siegel proposed the Healthy Mind Platter (see diagram below) that outlines the various key areas for a healthy mind and body, which include not only time for work and physical activities and sleep, but also time for relaxation, social connection and play.

One key neuropsychological theory supporting relaxation is the Default Mode Network (DMN), a set of brain regions active when the mind is at rest. The DMN is crucial for self-reflection, memory consolidation, and emotional regulation. When we relax, our brain shifts into this mode, allowing for better cognitive processing and emotional well-being.

Additionally, relaxation plays a critical role in regulating the autonomic nervous system (ANS). The ANS consists of the sympathetic nervous system (responsible for the fight or flight response) and the parasympathetic nervous system (which promotes rest and digestion). Chronic stress keeps the sympathetic nervous system overactive, leading to anxiety, poor sleep, and even depression. Engaging in relaxation techniques such as mindfulness, deep breathing, or even simple leisure activities helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, restoring balance and reducing stress-related mental health issues.

Medical Perspective: How Relaxation Benefits the Body

The impact of relaxation on physical health is well-documented in medical research. Chronic stress triggers the release of cortisol, the body's primary stress hormone. While cortisol is essential for survival, prolonged elevation can lead to numerous health issues, including:

•  Cardiovascular disease: High stress levels contribute to hypertension, heart disease, and stroke.
• Weakened immune function: Chronic stress suppresses immune responses, making individuals more susceptible to infections.
• Digestive disorders: Stress is linked to conditions such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and acid reflux.
• Sleep disturbances: High cortisol levels interfere with the body's ability to fall and stay asleep, leading to insomnia.

Medical research has found that relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, progressive muscle relaxation, and deep breathing lower blood pressure, improve heart rate variability, reduce inflammation, and boost immune function. Studies in psychoneuroimmunology (the study of how the mind influences the immune system) show that people who engage in regular relaxation activities have stronger immune defenses and better overall health outcomes.

Anthropological Perspective: Rest as a Cultural and Evolutionary Necessity

From an anthropological standpoint, relaxation is not just a modern necessity but an ancient practice essential for survival. Human societies throughout history have recognized the importance of rest and leisure.

Hunter-gatherer societies, for example, structured their lives around periods of intense activity followed by extended rest. Anthropologists have noted that these populations spend significant portions of their day engaged in socializing, storytelling, and leisure activities. Unlike industrialized societies, where work dominates daily life, traditional cultures incorporate relaxation as an integral part of existence.

In many indigenous cultures, rest is tied to communal well-being. Practices such as siestas in Mediterranean societies, tea ceremonies in Japan, and mindfulness in Buddhist traditions highlight the value of structured relaxation. These traditions suggest that relaxation is not merely about physical recovery but also about fostering social bonds and mental clarity.

From an evolutionary perspective, downtime is necessary for learning and adaptation. The brain consolidates experiences, integrates new knowledge, and strengthens neural connections during rest periods. This ability to switch off has likely played a role in human survival by enabling problem-solving, creativity, and resilience in the face of challenges.

Practical Steps to Incorporate Relaxation Into Daily Life

Understanding the necessity of relaxation is the first step; the next is implementing it into daily life. Here are some evidence-based ways to cultivate relaxation:
1. Mindfulness and Meditation -Studies show that mindfulness reduces cortisol levels and enhances emotional regulation.
2. Physical Relaxation Technique -Practices like yoga, progressive muscle relaxation, and deep breathing help reduce stress and promote bodily relaxation.
3. Set Boundaries and say No to things that you do not need to do.
4. Give Yourself Permission- assure yourself you are a good person, doing good things for yourself, and will be able to do more good things for the world when you allow yourself intermittent periods of doing NOTHING.
5. Scheduled Downtime - Setting aside time for non-work-related activities, such as reading, painting, or spending time in nature, improves overall well-being.
6. Social Connection - Engaging in meaningful conversations and social interactions helps reduce stress and fosters a sense of belonging.
7. Quality Sleep - Prioritizing good sleep hygiene (such as limiting screen time before bed and maintaining a regular sleep schedule) allows the brain and body to recover.
8. Nature Exposure - Research shows that spending time in green spaces reduces stress and enhances mental clarity.

Relaxation as a Fundamental Human Need. Relaxation is not a sign of laziness, badness, or inefficiency; it is a scientifically supported necessity for both mental and physical well-being. From a psychological perspective, it enhances cognitive function and emotional resilience. Medically, it lowers stress-related health risks and strengthens the immune system. Anthropologically, relaxation is deeply embedded in human culture and survival. 

By embracing relaxation as a fundamental part of life, individuals can achieve better health, improved productivity, and greater overall happiness. In a world that constantly pushes for more, taking time to slow down is not just beneficial, it is essential. So go ahead, on the next snow or rainy day, listen to your body when it says it wants to stay in bed. Treat yoself! Your body will thank you later.

Author Megan Garza, MA, LMFT
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