Albany is supervised by Megan Garza, MA, LMFT 2011011850 MO

Setting Boundaries with Family Members

Sometimes when folks are struggling with relationships with their family members they have a difficult time setting boundaries. You cannot control other people, you can only control yourself, but you can request that others be considerate of your feelings.

Here are some important key point to consider when setting boundaries with Family Members:

• Decide when you want to visit
• Decide how much time you want to spend with them
• Decide on the frequency of your calls/messages
• Decide whether you want to stay with them vs stay at a hotel or have them stay at a hotel
• Be clear about your expectations
• Be clear about house rule or expectations with how your kids or pets or others are to be treated, prioritizing peace and protection over control
• Be prepared to leave/end the communication if a boundary you set is crossed.
• Refuse to engage in dialogue over things that cross your emotional boundaries and stick to the boundary you set
• Be mindful of people pleasing and fear of letting others down or losing their love and how that limits you from setting appropriate limits
• Use the broken record technique of repeating the limits you are setting without explaining or apologizing
• Set Consistent Consequences

Remember- A boundary without a follow-through becomes a wish, not a boundary.
Examples:
• If they continue yelling → “I’m going to step away now.”
• If they push for personal details → “I’m not discussing that. Let’s change the subject.”

Consistency teaches people how to treat you.

Focus on What You Can Control
You can’t control:
•Their reactions
•Their opinions
•Whether they change

You can control:
•Your boundaries
•Your emotional energy
•Your responses
•How much access they have to you

If you are struggling with setting boundaries with someone in your life, consider working with a therapist to help you develop your skills. We have multiple therapists at Healing Reflections Therapy available to meet your needs.

Author: Megan Garza, MA, LMFT
Therapist & Co-Owner of Healing Reflections Therapy

More and more people are using AI to assist with their mental health needs, and new tools and platforms are being built to expand on this. Clients are using AI to keep them accountable, to locate therapists, to learn coping skills and emotion regulation skills, to track their sobriety, to create mood logs, and to help them recognize patterns in their behavior and symptoms. Some clients are using AI to  create healthy meal plans. Others are using it to identify red flags in dating conversations or to help them figure out signs if someone is into them.

But as AI gains familiarity, some folks are turning to AI for much more than resources; they are using it to fill gaps in their emotional intimacy needs. They are using AI as a pocket therapist, an in-home life coach, as a friend, and sometimes as a romantic or sexual companion.

How did we get to where AI filled such a void within us?
In 2023, the surgeon general declared loneliness an epidemic negatively impacting mental health.  Between political values dividing the dating scene, the disappearance of traditional third spaces like churches for meetups, and decreasing alcohol usage, the fuel and kindling that historically gave rise to so many relational fires, albeit disastrous ones, many folks today just don’t know where or how to authentically connect. Now add the economic crisis and rising costs of insurance, making mental healthcare difficult to access, and you have the perfect condition for relationship problems and isolation. 

Enter AI.

The AI Affair
AI chatbots are being used as tools for social connection, a friend, a helper, a nonjudgmental encourager, with some people stating their family members think they are directly talking to a human friend at-the-ready. Some are crossing the dimensions into developing intimate relationships with AI, where they substitute human companionship. As so many sci-fi movies have predicted, the future is here, and of course, humans being humans, people have also started using AI for sexting with chatbots. Arguably, a more ethical arm of the porn industry, due to not requiring the exploitation of vulnerable women and other individuals, but not without its own problems. AI porn is built by stealing the art and original imagery of real humans, some of whom may have consented, others may not have to their original use, reproduction, or misrepresentation.  For those in relationships, finding out your partner is in a sexual relationship with a chatbot without your knowledge or consent can lead to problems with trust, anger, resentment, betrayal trauma, breakups, and divorce. And those folks are already showing up in therapy rooms and divorce courts.

The AI Substitute Therapist
Over the past year, I’ve encountered more and more people using AI to assist in their therapy between sessions.  Indeed, I rarely go a day anymore without hearing clients talking about their collaborative use of AI to aid the therapeutic healing, most of which they find very effective.

The AI Couple Therapist
Some folks are turning to AI to determine whether or not they are in domestic violence relationships and how to communicate with their emotionally abusive partner. We have heard multiple women report putting their partner’s words into the chat and then using the chat’s response to send back to their partners in an effort to de-escalate or set clear boundaries.

The AI Family Therapist
Similarly, we have heard multiple family members report trying to resolve family conflicts through AI chat. One family member will hurt another family member, then turn to AI to write an apology letter for them. Sometimes, the AI-assisted apology letter is a considerably better attempt at repair than anything the other person has historically offered verbally. Sometimes, family recognizes the AI assist, sometimes they don’t and are seemingly content with the attempt at repair. 

But what happens when both people are using chat to write their responses? It comes down to a question of whether any true skills are being developed, or whether people are outsourcing their relationships and avoiding conflict, and how to learn conflict resolution skills. AI should be a tool, not a replacement; otherwise, we would be left with a modern-day dystopian Cyrano De Bergerac where two AI machines are transferring messages back and forth to one another, masquerading as their human puppets who show up with placid smiles after the conflict, ready to hug and make up. 

The AI Psychologist
Some are using AI to try to diagnose their mental health concerns. The problem, of course being that AI results are largely based on the information you give it, and frankly, it can be a bit of a brown-noser in trying to get your approval. More often than not, it tells you what you want to hear. It cannot tell you what you do not know or understand about yourself, which is especially problematic for folks who lack insight or are poor reporters. Nor can it observe your body language, tone, and micro-expressions that are key to understanding human behavior.

Recently, in 2025, an AI mental health software firm, Yara AI, closed after the developers determined that further development of their product was “too dangerous” for users in crisis and would cause more harm than good. It was preceded by similar closures from Woebot, Tessa, and Clarigent Health.

One AI company has already come under fire for contributing to psychosis and suicide. In one recent case, a 16-year-old who died by suicide was discouraged by AI from seeking help and was offered assistance in writing a suicide note. There have been reports from psych hospitals receiving an increase in AI-related psychosis.

Adding onto the problem, recently OpenAI came under fire after it was discovered that the shooter in a mass killing event in Tumbler Ridge Canada had been using their service and was detected for “furtherance of violent activities” and was kicked off the platform months prior, but the failure of the developers to report the issue to authorities has created a question of liability and whether or not the crisis could have been averted.

Multiple states have started to initiate legislation to rein in the expanse of AI in mental health spheres as recognition of the problems and limitations grows. 
Certainly, as a clinician, there has already been growing fear of jobs being encroached on by the tech and venture capitalist sector, but more important is the larger human risk. As therapists, we know that the research has been clear that the biggest indicator of successful outcomes in therapy are not about what tools are used, what certifications someone has, the type of modality or intervention applied that could be replicated by an algorithm, but by the therapeutic relationship itself. The healing art of dynamic human connection. The unquantifiable algorithmic element.

Much like the development of the printing press, the automobile, the assembly line, the computer, and the internet, AI is not going away, nor is the human demand for it. The question remains, how do we best use the tools to our benefit? And perhaps the larger question remains for both users and developers exists in the bioethics realm, similar to that of growing the Jurassic Park dinosaurs: Are we so focused on what we could do with AI to meet our intimacy needs, that we are forgetting to stop and ask ourselves if we should?

So, in conclusion, this is just your friendly neighborhood therapist reminding you o remember to stay connected to real people and use AI only a tool/resource, not a replacement for human connection.

This article was written by a human without the aid of AI.

Author: Megan Garza, MA, LMFT

Sources
https://www.ama-assn.org/public-health/population-health/loneliness-public-health-crisis-learn-how-screen-it

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/feb/21/tumbler-ridge-shooter-chatgpt-openai

https://stateline.org/2026/01/15/ai-therapy-chatbots-draw-new-oversight-as-suicides-raise-alarm/

https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2025/09/19/nx-s1-5545749/ai-chatbots-safety-openai-meta-characterai-teens-suicide

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/amp/show/what-to-know-about-ai-psychosis-and-the-effect-of-ai-chatbots-on-mental-health

https://fortune.com/2025/11/28/yara-ai-therapy-app-founder-shut-down-startup-decided-too-dangerous-serious-mental-health-issues/

The Working Alliance (1994) Horvath & Greenberg. John Wiley & Sons: NY

​Jurassic Park (1993)

Therapy has become increasingly accepted as a norm for health treatment, especially since covid. As historical barriers of stigma and shame fall away, more and more people are embracing hope and change and looking for therapists to help them facilitate healing, but sometimes struggle with where to start.

One option for finding a good therapist or mental health treatment center is to ask your family, friends, or colleagues for recommendations. High praise from someone you know can go a long way in building trust with your provider.

Another option is to check with your insurance company. If you check the back of your insurance card, there is usually a number you can call and they can help with referrals for providers in your network. Better yet, go to the insurance companies Doc Find on their website, which usually allows you to add in filters for your selection and find providers nearest you.

A third recommended option is using Psychology Today's search field at www.psychologytoday.com
Many reputable clinicians use this for their marketing. You can read about each clinician in detail, view their fees, insurances taken, and specialty areas, and even watch video snapshots of them.

Of course Google can also locate someone near you, but that may be driven more by sponsoring ads than who is the best fitting provider near you.

Alternatively, crisis lines like BHR can also help link you to social service organizations, psychiatrists, and mental health facilities.

There are low-fee sliding scale therapists available through memberships at Open Path Collective.

What about the venture capital backed companies (VC) that you see the ads for a lot? These are usually the first 3-5 companies that pop on any any search result for a therapist now. There are many options for therapists available through them as well, but the controversy surrounding them is increasingly mounting, with more and more pressure to push back against the Walmart effect and risk of healthcare monopolies with conflicts of interest and how they impact your healthcare and your local community. You can read more about that here.

You don't have to go through this alone. Many people are available to help. 
A word to the wise, be patient, sometimes places may have long wait lists or be slow to return calls, if at all. It may be beneficial to reach out to multiple providers initially and see who is most responsive to your needs.

How to know if the therapist is a good fit?

An important quality is competence, does the therapist have specialized training or certifications in the area, symptom, or diagnosis that you need help with? Do they primarily do individual or couple or family counseling? How long have they been working in that area to develop a solid set of skills for complicated needs? 

Do they do in-person, virtual, or a combination of both that may make them more accessible or easier for you connect with or be vulnerable.

Does the therapist specialize in Christian counseling or are they general, non-religiously focused? Choosing a therapist that works within a framework you are comfortable with can be helpful.

If you are a member of a marginalized population, does the therapist understand those complexities or needs so that you feel safe? A therapist doesn't have to be a member of that population to be helpful, but they do need to have culturally competency or willingness to approach with openness and non-judgement.

Are you wanting only wanting validation or change? Therapy can feel really good if you are supported and the therapy gives lots of validation, but that doesn't always result in change. One major difference between a friend and a therapist is a therapist is specifically there to help you work on your goals to change, which may mean they tell you things that can be hard to hear and encourage you to do things you are uncomfortable with, for the sake of your recovery. If the therapist only validates you, it may feel good, but might not always result in the change you are seeking.

And lastly, what is the general vibe of the therapist? How do you feel about their demographics and personality?  Look over their website, their psychology today profiles and videos, do they seem like someone you could jive with?

Tempering your Expectations
Sometimes we hear about folks that therapist hop, looking for the "perfect fit," much like dating, it's not likely you will find the "perfect therapist". They are humans and can make mistakes, but are they open to learning and making change to meet your needs, or are you willing to accept that maybe they are telling you something you need to hear instead of what you want to hear? Therapists also encourage the client to do the hard work, not them. So if you are expecting them to do all the work, you may feel frustrated with long silences and delayed in progress. The more you modulate your expectations, the happier you may be about the result.

Sometimes when folks are not ready for therapy, they easily find barriers. It is a good idea to think about whether you are screening out providers who would otherwise be a fit for this reason.  When people strongly desire change and are ready to do the work, they may not overemphasize what certifications the therapist has, or how far away they are, or what times they offer, or what the cost is.  They will be willing to do anything to access the service they need at the moment and are also willing to do the hard work in the process.

Conversely, if a therapist makes you feel unsafe or judged, it makes sense to listen to your gut and move on.

Hopefully this helps and you can find your way to a clinician that helps you meet your needs. Good luck, and good health!

Authors, Megan Garza, MA, LMFT & Chris Scarberry, MA, LPC

Over the holiday season people often come together with families, sometimes to celebrate, sometimes to grieve losses that tend to congregate around these times of year. As is often the case when families get together, sometimes things are said or done that are hurtful. Sometimes painful truths of the past are unmasked. People are often forced to reconcile with these new harsh truths and realities and to cope with their hurt feelings or the way they have hurt others, sometimes intentionally, but more often than not inadvertently or unintentionally, yet the hurt remains.

Dealing with the aftermath, once problems surface, means that healing and reconciliation may be needed. Some may find that their friends or family members are distant, if not not cut off from them until they attempt to acknowledge the hurt or make amends. One of the biggest challenges relationships face is when the offending party refuses really to acknowledge the harm done. A good apology is more than just saying “sorry.” Effective apologies help repair relationships, build trust, and promote healing.

Here are the key elements that make an apology meaningful and effective.

1. Acknowledge the Harm
What it means: Recognize the specific behavior that caused harm or hurt.

•  Instead of: “I’m sorry if I upset you.”
• Say: “I’m sorry for saying something hurtful during our conversation.”

Why it matters: People want to feel understood. Acknowledging what went wrong helps
validate the other person’s feelings.

2. Take Responsibility
What it means: Own up to your role in the situation without excuses or shifting blame.

• Instead of: “I’m sorry, but you shouldn’t have…”
•  Say: “I take full responsibility for my actions.” Or “I understand the harm I caused when

I _____”
Why it matters: Shifting blame undermines trust. Apologies are meaningful when they come
with accountability.

3. Express Regret and Empathy
What it means: Show genuine remorse for the impact your behavior had on the other
person.

•  Instead of: “Sorry you’re so upset.”
•  Say: “I regret that I hurt you with my words when I said ________.”

Why it matters: Research shows empathy deepens connection and helps heal emotional
wounds.

4. Offer a Plan to Make Amends
What it means: Outline steps to fix the mistake or prevent it from happening again.

•  Instead of: “It won’t happen again.”
•  Say: “Moving forward, I will communicate more respectfully, and I’d like to know how I

can make it right now.”
Why it matters: Offering amends signals that you’re committed to change, not just offering
empty words.

5. Be Sincere and Timely
What it means: Deliver your apology with sincerity, and don’t wait too long to do so.

•  Instead of delaying, take the time to reflect but apologize promptly once you realize the

harm.
Why it matters: A well-timed apology keeps emotions from festering and shows the other
person you care about their feelings.

6. Avoid Repeating the Same Mistake
What it means: After an apology, work on personal growth to avoid the same behavior in
the future.

•  Apologies lose their meaning if the same behavior continues.

Why it matters: True apologies are not just about words—they require action.
A good apology does not ask for forgiveness of the one that has been harmed. That only
further burdens the victim with guilt and responsibility.

Quick Recap:

• Acknowledge the harm.
• Take Responsibility without excuses.
• Express Regret and empathy.
• Offer Amends or solutions.
• Be Sincere and timely.
• Learn from Mistakes and grow.

While apologizing may be hard and requires the strength of being vulnerable and swallowing your pride, when done well, the reward is worth it. Keep in mind though, if you are only apologizing as a tactic to get more of YOUR OWN needs met, the other person may see this as a manipulation tactic and may not be willing to accept it. True apologies and amends come from your own desire to heal the person you hurt, sometimes out of a commitment to faith or justice to do right, and they acknowledge that when you attempt to heal others you also heal yourself.

If you are still struggling and need help, our counselors at Healing Reflections Therapy are also available to help mend the broken divides. Check out our Meet Our Therapists page to find a clinician that best fits for you.

​Author: Megan Garza, MA, LMFT