Our day-to-day lives are chaotic and filled with distressing news, world events, and other causes for stress that we have no control over. Meditation practice has long been established as a path towards mental, emotional, and physical healing. The mind-body connection is one that is often neglected.

You may have tried meditation before and decided it is not for you for one of the following reasons:

• “I can’t make my mind quiet/blank.”
• “I can’t sit still for that long/I don’t have the time.”
• “I try, but I just get frustrated that I’m not doing it right/well enough.”

Meditation has a lot of misconceptions tied to it, and a lot of the concerns people have when trying meditation revolve around those misconceptions and set them up for feeling like failures. The goal of meditation does not have to be to reach the point where you can meditate for hours, with no thoughts, and full control over your mind and body to the point where you can levitate off the ground. We’ll save those aspirations for the Monks.


The goal of therapeutic meditation is simply to practice. Practice checking in with your body, emotions, and thoughts. Practice slowing down enough to be able to communicate with your body, recognize your emotions, hear out your thoughts, and spend some time addressing the concerns brought to your attention. We are not looking for a blank slate- we are looking for what we have been ignoring or neglecting.


Another great benefit to practicing meditation is learning how to engage or disengage with your anxious thoughts. The meditation linked below is called a “Leaves on a Stream” meditation. The idea is to practice observing your thoughts, especially the anxious ones, as they come up, acknowledge them, and then let them continue flowing downstream without attaching any judgment or action to them.


I encourage you to try it out! It is less than 10 minutes long and is something you can do from anywhere during your day. Now, it will not be something that you are automatically good at, and it may go differently each time you practice it, depending on your headspace when you start. However, the only objective here is to try. Try it, practice it, and keep practicing it. If you do that, you have succeeded! You will have connected with your mind and body even for just 6 minutes, and that is 6 more minutes of connection that you would otherwise have.


Despite my encouragement, you may not believe that meditation can make a difference, but I dare you to try it and be curious about what effects it can have."

Author: McKayla Kagie Robinson, MS, PLMFT
McKayla is a Therapist at Healing Reflections Therapy. She is currently accepting clients.
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The level of social support is the number one predictor of outcomes after trauma. Having support from a loved one came be a critical step in the healing process. Many family members ache when they see their loved one's suffer and are desperate to help them find relief, and to find relief for themselves of the anxiety and distress the helpless creates.

Seeking mental health support from a family member has some pros and cons. In general, seeking out therapy can be helpful, however not everyone is ready to take that step for themself. This can become a point of distress as family members get desperate for change with ongoing worry. 

Here are some things that therapists want you to know when you reach out on their behalf.

1)Reaching out to therapists on behalf of someone else takes away their sense of agency/responsibility for their therapy process and can be a sign of patterns of enabling or codependence.
All too often  well meaning loved ones reach out on someone else's behalf for therapy, but more often than not those individuals have little motivation to participate in the process. When you make the call for them, it takes away their ownership of the issue. Well meaning family members can become enablers by allowing these individuals to not have to take the role of responsible adults. Women often complain that they get cast in the role of mother to their spouses, but they often enable the very problem they are frustrated with by continuing to make the calls for doctors visits and setting up the appointments for them.

2) Lack of motivation to reach out to a therapist is often predictive of one's motivation to participate in the treatment process.
Often therapists find that when someone else makes the arrangement for someone to attend therapy, the person making the call is more distressed and ready for change than the client is. As much as you want them to change, they may not be ready to. Part of the process of reaching otu to a therapist, filling out the intake forms, and coming to the first session is all part of someone's preparation for change. It involves accepting there is a problem, that you need help, and that you are willing to take steps to make change. When people are just "visiting" therapy and not ready to make change, they usually do not attend past the intake sessions, if they bother to show up for the intake at all. Prochaska & Diclemente (1983) developed the stages of change model that highlights the cycle and one's readiness to change, particularly as it applies to addiction, though this pattern is applicable to the overall therapy process.
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3) Confidentiality is a barrier for us.
While you may want to advocate for them, your advocacy can only go so far when we are dealing with another adult who is their own guardian. Therapists are required to maintain confidentiality with their clients, so once they make contact, we cannot really communicate with you about them without a release. 

What about when your family member is too ill or depressed to advocate for themself or is a poor reporter/historian?

If someone is in a mental health crisis situation there a few options to consider. This situation is different than a situation where someone is enabling, but more occurs when the client is in such a poor state, they lack the capacity to take the steps for themself. For example, someone who is experiencing psychosis and cannot distinguish reality from a delusion, someone that is so depressed they are near catatonic and bed ridden, someone whose OCD has lead to a hazardous hoarding situation, or someone who is experiencing a manic episode and is engaging in high risk behavior, or someone who has been abusing substances or has been having a reaction to medication and they are seemingly not themself. In each of these scenarios, these folks likely need immediate help. Going to an ER or the nearest psychiatric facility may be the best option to immediately manage the crisis. If a person already has a psychiatrist or therapist, reaching out to them to let the know what is going on can be a tremendous help.

Generally, you can send mental health professionals information, but we cannot acknowledge it or send anything back to you without a consent to release information from the client. Exceptions to this rule may apply if there is an imminent threat to the life of the client or someone else.

As much as I encourage clients to take responsibility for their mental health and challenge when folks are enabling, there have been many times over the years that I have encouraged family members to write letters to their loved one's doctor or to call the office and leave a message to inform them if a crisis has developed or if there are significant pieces of information about symptoms necessary for the clinician to make an adequate diagnosis and appropriate treatment plan, and for their doctor to be able to prescribe the appropriate medications. These methods, when necessary can be absolute game changers in the trajectory of a client's mental health outcomes. 

When we have a release and family therapy or coordination of care is part of the treatment
As family therapists, especially when working with children it is very difficult to make changes with the child if the rest of the family is not on board and participating in the treatment. Some of the best results I have ever seen as trauma therapist have come immediately after sessions using Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) when parents are brought into the session to help process/witness the trauma of their child. Secrets are eliminated and parents are coached on how to be effective supporters in the present. The shame the child was experiencing dissipates and healing takes place in the family system.

Although interventions with loved one's have long been used in substance abuse recovery, there are mixed reviews of the efficacy of these attempts.


What about if it's a Britney situation and we think we need to become guardians or conservators in order to help our family member?

Sometimes a person is not well enough to take care of themself. They refuse treatment. They struggle with having the capacity to recognize the risk to themselves. In some cases, a person can apply for a conservatorship or guardianship with the courts. The court determines if this is appropriate.

Sometimes, when a family member is severely chronically ill and it no longer feels like there is another way to get them help to save their life, this step can be helpful.

However, it can also come with a large price. Family members have the burden of assuming medical and financial responsibility for their impaired family member, which is often a thankless, tiring, and exhausting job. The task and the subsequent blowback of resentment and fight for control from the client can result in major conflicts, and sometimes complete dissolution in the relationship between family members. As they say, no good deed goes unpunished. As we all saw with what happened with Britney Spears and her family over the conservatorship and when it was lifted, the process and outcome were complicated in their impact.

So, should you help a family member? Absolutely! But before you take those next steps, carefully consider your role, expectations of them, ask yourself whether it is possible they can do this for themself and how your involvement may help or hurt. Consider the impact that your helping may have on your own mental health.

Remember local resources like the 988 mental health crisis line as well as NAMI, AA, Al-Anon,  SAMHSA, and Psychology Today  are all excellent ways to help for yourself or to send the information to a loved one to encourage them to take steps for their own mental well being. If you think that maybe you are struggling with codependence with a family member, you can look into a CODA group for yourself.

Author
~Megan Garza, MA, LMFT

Therapy has become increasingly accepted as a norm for health treatment, especially since covid. As historical barriers of stigma and shame fall away, more and more people are embracing hope and change and looking for therapists to help them facilitate healing, but sometimes struggle with where to start.

One option for finding a good therapist or mental health treatment center is to ask your family, friends, or colleagues for recommendations. High praise from someone you know can go a long way in building trust with your provider.

Another option is to check with your insurance company. If you check the back of your insurance card, there is usually a number you can call and they can help with referrals for providers in your network. Better yet, go to the insurance companies Doc Find on their website, which usually allows you to add in filters for your selection and find providers nearest you.

A third recommended option is using Psychology Today's search field at www.psychologytoday.com
Many reputable clinicians use this for their marketing. You can read about each clinician in detail, view their fees, insurances taken, and specialty areas, and even watch video snapshots of them.

Of course Google can also locate someone near you, but that may be driven more by sponsoring ads than who is the best fitting provider near you.

Alternatively, crisis lines like BHR can also help link you to social service organizations, psychiatrists, and mental health facilities.

There are low-fee sliding scale therapists available through memberships at Open Path Collective.

What about the venture capital backed companies (VC) that you see the ads for a lot? These are usually the first 3-5 companies that pop on any any search result for a therapist now. There are many options for therapists available through them as well, but the controversy surrounding them is increasingly mounting, with more and more pressure to push back against the Walmart effect and risk of healthcare monopolies with conflicts of interest and how they impact your healthcare and your local community. You can read more about that here.

You don't have to go through this alone. Many people are available to help. 
A word to the wise, be patient, sometimes places may have long wait lists or be slow to return calls, if at all. It may be beneficial to reach out to multiple providers initially and see who is most responsive to your needs.

How to know if the therapist is a good fit?

An important quality is competence, does the therapist have specialized training or certifications in the area, symptom, or diagnosis that you need help with? Do they primarily do individual or couple or family counseling? How long have they been working in that area to develop a solid set of skills for complicated needs? 

Do they do in-person, virtual, or a combination of both that may make them more accessible or easier for you connect with or be vulnerable.

Does the therapist specialize in Christian counseling or are they general, non-religiously focused? Choosing a therapist that works within a framework you are comfortable with can be helpful.

If you are a member of a marginalized population, does the therapist understand those complexities or needs so that you feel safe? A therapist doesn't have to be a member of that population to be helpful, but they do need to have culturally competency or willingness to approach with openness and non-judgement.

Are you wanting only wanting validation or change? Therapy can feel really good if you are supported and the therapy gives lots of validation, but that doesn't always result in change. One major difference between a friend and a therapist is a therapist is specifically there to help you work on your goals to change, which may mean they tell you things that can be hard to hear and encourage you to do things you are uncomfortable with, for the sake of your recovery. If the therapist only validates you, it may feel good, but might not always result in the change you are seeking.

And lastly, what is the general vibe of the therapist? How do you feel about their demographics and personality?  Look over their website, their psychology today profiles and videos, do they seem like someone you could jive with?

Tempering your Expectations
Sometimes we hear about folks that therapist hop, looking for the "perfect fit," much like dating, it's not likely you will find the "perfect therapist". They are humans and can make mistakes, but are they open to learning and making change to meet your needs, or are you willing to accept that maybe they are telling you something you need to hear instead of what you want to hear? Therapists also encourage the client to do the hard work, not them. So if you are expecting them to do all the work, you may feel frustrated with long silences and delayed in progress. The more you modulate your expectations, the happier you may be about the result.

Sometimes when folks are not ready for therapy, they easily find barriers. It is a good idea to think about whether you are screening out providers who would otherwise be a fit for this reason.  When people strongly desire change and are ready to do the work, they may not overemphasize what certifications the therapist has, or how far away they are, or what times they offer, or what the cost is.  They will be willing to do anything to access the service they need at the moment and are also willing to do the hard work in the process.

Conversely, if a therapist makes you feel unsafe or judged, it makes sense to listen to your gut and move on.

Hopefully this helps and you can find your way to a clinician that helps you meet your needs. Good luck, and good health!

Authors, Megan Garza, MA, LMFT & Chris Scarberry, MA, LPC

3. Meditation: Happier
When I bring up meditation in sessions, I’m met with comments like, “I hate meditation, I get too distracted, and it’s impossible for my thoughts to be quiet.” The mainstream understanding of meditation is that it’s somehow supposed to teach you to be totally devoid of thoughts, but that is simply unrealistic and, in my opinion, not what meditation should be used for. Instead, meditation is a powerful way to process and feel emotions, relax and recenter ourselves when stressed and overwhelmed, and expand our capacity for skillful coping mechanisms. 

Happier, previously known as Ten Percent Happier, is an app that was recommended to me by another therapist. It is now a resource that I use regularly, personally and professionally, primarily because of the quality and variety of meditation practices and tools it provides. The app has free meditations available, but you may choose to purchase their yearly subscription, like I did, for full access. 

The meditations cover many different topics and guide you through many visualization and reflection options. They also do a good job of setting a pace that allows time for reflection and still calls your attention back to the practice in case your thoughts start to wander. Whether you are experienced or new to meditation, this app is one that my clients and I find helpful.
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Other:
Outside of apps, I recommend Self-Compassion Practices by Dr Kristin Neff. The meditations found on that webpage are geared towards compassion, loving-kindness, and grounding. Her website includes helpful exercises as well, which I suggest checking out.

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5. Couples: Paired
Lots of people struggle communicating with their partners, and that is normal, even in a healthy relationship. The Paired app is designed to facilitate conversations that you may not think to have. These conversations revolve around topics like sex, sharing responsibility, finances, quality time, communication, LGBTQ+, and more.

​Each conversation prompt or quiz starts with a bit of psychoeducation about relationship dynamics. The prompts and quizzes have thoughtful questions designed to make you think and reflect so that you share insightful information with your partner via the app. You can not see your partner's answers until you submit your own, which I feel helps with authenticity. After each of you has answered, you can continue to discuss in the app with messages and emoji reactions, or if you prefer, you can continue the conversations in person to build on your understanding of each other’s answers. 

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6. Movement: Bend
Movement is another therapeutic tool! Moving our bodies, in whatever capacity, can have great mental and physical health benefits. Gentle movement, like stretching, is more accessible for some than going on a run or going to the gym, and Bend is a great way to guide yourself through that. The app has stretches categorized by body areas to stretch and by various intentions for stretching. It has guided routines that are as short as four minutes up to thirty minutes. You select a routine based on whether you’re looking for a wake-up stretch, a bedtime stretch, a mid-workday stretch, or you want to stretch your sore lower back, and it presents you with several options varying in length. You can pick according to the amount of time you have or the kinds of stretches it shows in the sequence, if you have a preference. 

Each option has an explanation of its specific focus. Before you start the stretch series, it shows you all the stretches in the order that they will be presented and the length of time intended to hold those stretches. Both before you start or if you need a refresher in the middle of stretching, each movement has a detailed description of how to get into the position (including a video demonstration showing you what it looks like), tips to help you find your footing and prevent injuries, modifications to accommodate movement restrictions, and the areas that benefit from that stretch.
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I personally love the way that the app guides you through the movements and provides ample support for executing each stretch. You can adjust the time that you hold each stretch if it is too long or too short, and you can pause any time if you need a break to adjust, reread the directions, or sip some water. The app will, of course, send you reminders to stretch if you set it up to, and as with most apps, there are more features available if you pay for the subscription. The unpaid version only does a full guided routine with the timer once a day, but it does not restrict your access to stretches or their instructions if you want to use them with your own timer or at your own pace. 

​Conclusion:
While they are not a fix for our mental health, nor a replacement for trained professionals and community support, apps are a great way to reinforce the things you are working on in therapy. The apps I recommend here may not work for you, and that is okay; they are just options to experiment with. If you find that these are not your vibe, that is just more information to help you determine what you do or do not need in terms of support. It’s all about finding what works for you!

​Author: McKayla Kagie Robinson, MS, PLMFT
McKayla is Provisionally licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with Healing Reflections Therapy, currently accepting new clients for individual, couple, or family therapy.

A common theme that comes up in therapy is people holding the belief that rest is a bad thing and that they are somehow bad if they allow themselves to rest. Relaxation is often seen as a luxury rather than a necessity. Many people equate being busy with being productive, often neglecting the essential need to rest. Whether it developed from messages passed down in their family, their church, the Puritan work ethic, capitalistic influences on productivity and self-worth, or other cultural influences, the impact is the same- Shame. Shame prohibits people from doing what it is in the very nature to do for their own survival. 

Rest is not a bad thing. 

Is this you? Have you shamed yourself for not working enough? Do you prohibit yourself from taking a day off? Do you force your day off of work to perpetually become days of cleaning and project days at home? Where do you think you got that perspective from? Ok, sure, if you spend weeks in bed, that's probably gonna make you feel worse and is likely a sign of depression, but a couple days here or there won't make the world stop.

Winter is a great time to give yourself permission to relax and have some downtime. Plants and tree go dormant in the winter. Bears, squirrels, turtles, and even the worker bee hibernates and rests in winter. After a period of rest, the world bursts back to life in the spring. If we allow ourselves permission to rest, we may 

Still not convinced? Scientific research strongly supports the idea that relaxation is not only beneficial but crucial for overall health and well-being. 

Psychological Perspective: The Mind Needs Downtime

Psychology has long recognized the importance of relaxation in maintaining mental health. Chronic stress and overwork can lead to burnout, anxiety, and depression. Research in cognitive psychology suggests that taking breaks and engaging in restful activities helps improve attention, creativity, and problem-solving abilities.

Popular Harvard psychiatrist Daniel Siegel proposed the Healthy Mind Platter (see diagram below) that outlines the various key areas for a healthy mind and body, which include not only time for work and physical activities and sleep, but also time for relaxation, social connection and play.

One key neuropsychological theory supporting relaxation is the Default Mode Network (DMN), a set of brain regions active when the mind is at rest. The DMN is crucial for self-reflection, memory consolidation, and emotional regulation. When we relax, our brain shifts into this mode, allowing for better cognitive processing and emotional well-being.

Additionally, relaxation plays a critical role in regulating the autonomic nervous system (ANS). The ANS consists of the sympathetic nervous system (responsible for the fight or flight response) and the parasympathetic nervous system (which promotes rest and digestion). Chronic stress keeps the sympathetic nervous system overactive, leading to anxiety, poor sleep, and even depression. Engaging in relaxation techniques such as mindfulness, deep breathing, or even simple leisure activities helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, restoring balance and reducing stress-related mental health issues.

Medical Perspective: How Relaxation Benefits the Body

The impact of relaxation on physical health is well-documented in medical research. Chronic stress triggers the release of cortisol, the body's primary stress hormone. While cortisol is essential for survival, prolonged elevation can lead to numerous health issues, including:

•  Cardiovascular disease: High stress levels contribute to hypertension, heart disease, and stroke.
• Weakened immune function: Chronic stress suppresses immune responses, making individuals more susceptible to infections.
• Digestive disorders: Stress is linked to conditions such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and acid reflux.
• Sleep disturbances: High cortisol levels interfere with the body's ability to fall and stay asleep, leading to insomnia.

Medical research has found that relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, progressive muscle relaxation, and deep breathing lower blood pressure, improve heart rate variability, reduce inflammation, and boost immune function. Studies in psychoneuroimmunology (the study of how the mind influences the immune system) show that people who engage in regular relaxation activities have stronger immune defenses and better overall health outcomes.

Anthropological Perspective: Rest as a Cultural and Evolutionary Necessity

From an anthropological standpoint, relaxation is not just a modern necessity but an ancient practice essential for survival. Human societies throughout history have recognized the importance of rest and leisure.

Hunter-gatherer societies, for example, structured their lives around periods of intense activity followed by extended rest. Anthropologists have noted that these populations spend significant portions of their day engaged in socializing, storytelling, and leisure activities. Unlike industrialized societies, where work dominates daily life, traditional cultures incorporate relaxation as an integral part of existence.

In many indigenous cultures, rest is tied to communal well-being. Practices such as siestas in Mediterranean societies, tea ceremonies in Japan, and mindfulness in Buddhist traditions highlight the value of structured relaxation. These traditions suggest that relaxation is not merely about physical recovery but also about fostering social bonds and mental clarity.

From an evolutionary perspective, downtime is necessary for learning and adaptation. The brain consolidates experiences, integrates new knowledge, and strengthens neural connections during rest periods. This ability to switch off has likely played a role in human survival by enabling problem-solving, creativity, and resilience in the face of challenges.

Practical Steps to Incorporate Relaxation Into Daily Life

Understanding the necessity of relaxation is the first step; the next is implementing it into daily life. Here are some evidence-based ways to cultivate relaxation:
1. Mindfulness and Meditation -Studies show that mindfulness reduces cortisol levels and enhances emotional regulation.
2. Physical Relaxation Technique -Practices like yoga, progressive muscle relaxation, and deep breathing help reduce stress and promote bodily relaxation.
3. Set Boundaries and say No to things that you do not need to do.
4. Give Yourself Permission- assure yourself you are a good person, doing good things for yourself, and will be able to do more good things for the world when you allow yourself intermittent periods of doing NOTHING.
5. Scheduled Downtime - Setting aside time for non-work-related activities, such as reading, painting, or spending time in nature, improves overall well-being.
6. Social Connection - Engaging in meaningful conversations and social interactions helps reduce stress and fosters a sense of belonging.
7. Quality Sleep - Prioritizing good sleep hygiene (such as limiting screen time before bed and maintaining a regular sleep schedule) allows the brain and body to recover.
8. Nature Exposure - Research shows that spending time in green spaces reduces stress and enhances mental clarity.

Relaxation as a Fundamental Human Need. Relaxation is not a sign of laziness, badness, or inefficiency; it is a scientifically supported necessity for both mental and physical well-being. From a psychological perspective, it enhances cognitive function and emotional resilience. Medically, it lowers stress-related health risks and strengthens the immune system. Anthropologically, relaxation is deeply embedded in human culture and survival. 

By embracing relaxation as a fundamental part of life, individuals can achieve better health, improved productivity, and greater overall happiness. In a world that constantly pushes for more, taking time to slow down is not just beneficial, it is essential. So go ahead, on the next snow or rainy day, listen to your body when it says it wants to stay in bed. Treat yoself! Your body will thank you later.

Author Megan Garza, MA, LMFT
​AI assisted content

The word is out. Winter is in!
The fresh white snow. 
The cozy evenings snuggled inside in the warmth. 
Fire crackling in the fireplace. 
Mug of hot cocoa in hand. 
 
It all sounds great, doesn’t it?
Well for 10-20% of adults in the US, this is not the coziest season of year. But rather, the season of the winter blues or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
But what causes this?
1. Less sunlight
• It is not just the physical lack of sun on your skin, but a shift in biological clock that occurs when there is less sunlight. This internal clock is responsible for regulating mood, sleep, and hormones.
2. Brain chemical imbalance
• Because sunlight helps regulate serotonin (which contributes to feelings of happiness), a lack of sunlight in the winter can exacerbate feelings of sadness.
3. Melatonin boost
• Melatonin is a chemical that affects your sleep patterns and mood. With the lack of sunshine, an overstimulation of melatonin can occur. Symptoms of this include feeling sluggish and sleepy. 
Ok, the cold dark days are causing my sadness. What can I possibly do about that?
Well. While you can’t control the season or weather, here is what you can do…
1. Start or resume therapy. Our therapists at Healing Reflections Therapy are available to help in-person or virtually. 
2. Spend time with people who bring you glimmers of joy
3. Spend time outside in the limited window the sun is shining
4. Adding light to your space that mimics the sun’s light
5. Discover a new indoor hobby or rediscover one that you have not done in a while. Need ideas? Maybe baking a new recipe, painting, journaling, make a soup, reading a new book, do a home yoga or meditation video.

Reference
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9293-seasonal-depression

Author: Anne Marie Mathews, MS, SMFT
I am currently accepting therapy clients. Feel free to reach out if you need help.