Here at Healing Reflections Therapy, as we continue to celebrate Pride Month and reflect on the current political climate in our state, nation, and world, we continue to be certain that services from specialized clinicians provided to LGBTQ+ clients continue to be just as if not more necessary and relevant than they were in the past.  The statement, “Pride was a riot,” is meant to highlight the fact that the community resistance at the Stonewall Tavern that gave rise to the first Pride events and parades was initiated and encouraged by a brick rumored to have been thrown by a trans woman and by the specific trans women: Stormé DeLarverie, Marsha Johnson, and Sylvia Rivera.  The significance of this being two fold, that, although many may assume that only gay men were involved in the events of Stonewall, the entire community was both targeted for oppression in public spaces and showed out to face down police brutality and aggression and also that Pride is not only about celebrating, dressing up, consuming alcohol, but also has a deep historical significance. 
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Pride was a riot because at the time, members of the LGBTQ+ community did not have body autonomy or control over their own treatment and healthcare.  Queer and trans identities were marginalized to such an extent that no one could be out and get proper checkups, STD testing, gender-affirming medical care  At the beginning of the AIDS crisis, people were forced to take poisonous meds and obtain them through creative and non medically-sanctioned means.  As we know, although strides have been made such as one pill/day HIV meds and hormone replacement therapy (HRT)being readily available on an informed consent basis, there are now constant attacks on Ryan White HIV federal funding and gender affirming care for both minors and adults with state coverage or VA benefits.  There have been multiple attempts to ban trans soldiers from serving in the military and take their retirements.

Pride was a riot because gatherings of LGBTQ+ folx were criminalized and romantic relationships were not broadly seen as legitimate.  Stonewall happened in part because it was illegal for gay and trans people to be drinking at a bar together as well as it being illegal for any sexual activity to happen between anyone and the police response mirrored those prohibitions.  How do you connect if you cannot build community?  How do you feel safe when there is nowhere at home or in public that you can be yourself and not be arrested.  Obergefell Hodges went through in 2015, so gay marriage has only been legal for 11 years.  As with all other LGBTQ+ rights, there have already been multiple attempts to take Obergefell to the Supreme Court and have it overturned.  This in addition to dozens of anti-LGBTQ+ bills being debated and sometimes passed into law in many states in their country in the past 2 years.  Murders of Trans people continue to be so prolific that they are actively tracked and memorialized on Trans Day of Remembrance.  

Pride was a riot because the Queer and Trans community was being treated as less than human.  One need look no further than the plethora of bathroom bills meant to strip Trans people of the dignity to use public facilities and anecdotal examples of strangers policing the genders of others in the restroom with them and making demands to see that it is not safe to be Trans and use the bathroom or even to be someone that anyone things looks different than their assigned sex and corresponding gender role.  Policies criminalizing gender affirming care for minors in some states have caused youth and their parents to lose care, have to move to other states, have side effects and poor outcomes from going off of needed medications.  Trans adults we see worry that they will need to stockpile their hormones in order to continue to be on HRT once all gender affirming care could conceivable be banned.

In some ways, now more than ever, being Queer or Trans means having a target on your back and being unsafe in public, private, even in previously thought of safe spaces.  It is almost worse that some headway had been made, rights were conferred and and are now under attack in a manner worse than ever before.  As LGBT!+ affirming therapists, we know not just the terminology, relationship structures, and social norms that exist in our clents’ lives, we also realize that they currently fear for their lives, relationships, healthcare and employment.  That is why it is more important than ever to stand in solidarity with them and provide one of the only safe holding environments they may currently have in our office and virtually.  We see you, we value you, the world is so much better and brighter with you in it!  We are blessed to hear about your stories, strengths, and resilience every day.  There is nothing else we would rather do.

Author: Chris Scarberry, LPC
Chris is a Therapist accepting clients at Healing Reflections Therapy

For many folks across the US, the globe, and in marginalized communities this was a hard day.  At Healing Reflections Therapy, we see you. Your pain is valid. Sadness, anger, betrayal, shock, and frustration are all very real and may feel all the more acute when others are celebrating or otherwise blind or uncaring about what you are experiencing. You are allowed to grieve as you need to grieve. 

Grief
Grief occurs in separate and sometimes simultaneous cycles.  It may look like shock, numbness or shutting down.  It may look like anger and wanting to rage at those you believe hurt you and to cut ties with family and friends, it may look like sadness and wanting to cry or stay in bed and eat or drink your feelings.  It may look like bargaining and wanting to rationalize how you can make sense of it, thinking “if I just do x, maybe it won’t impact me”, it may look like denial and telling yourself it’s not over yet, maybe something may change it, or telling yourself or others to get over it.  

Next Steps
Focus on the now. Your brain may be spinning with sooo many possibilities: future fears of changes, loss of rights, concern for your safety and the safety of your loved ones, fears for the choices by lawmakers and the fate of democracy. Instead of focusing on external events that are much bigger than you and beyond your control, focus on what you can do for right now. Think about what you are able to control.
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The serenity prayer reminds us to ask, "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." This notion of radical acceptance is hard, but can help move you out of helplessness and hopelessness.

 Self-Care
Today is a good day for self-care. What does that mean? It means connect with your support communities, your trusted friends, family members, colleagues, and mental health workers- schedule a meeting, date, appointment, a get together. You could create a group text or join a social media group with like-minded individuals.

Please take some time for yourself. That may mean taking a day or two off of work. Give yourself grace for having to pick yourself off the floor or peel yourself out of bed after maybe having a night or two of less than ideal coping choices.  It happens. Try not to linger there too long. Focus on adaptive coping. Make choices for self-care that will make you feel proud of yourself later and allow you to feel better instead of worse. If you are someone who is in recovery, try to use positive coping skills rather than allow the current political climate to take your sobriety.
Find something that creates meaning in your life. 

Allow yourself to cry and feel your emotional response at times.  You need to get it out.  No one can hold in this much pain and live with it alone.  Rely on chosen family, friends, and community.  

Distraction
You might need to get out of your head for a little while and away from the media frenzy. Try unplugging and refocusing on other areas of your life, if you can, which we realize may be a privilege. Watch a favorite movie. Watch some stand-up comedians on netflix, watch funny pet videos on tiktok, put in your favorite movie- yes, you can go ahead and watch Twilight for the 100th time, throw yourself into some true crime, re-read your favorite YA book, spend time in nature, go thrift store shopping, go to a museum, create some art or play music.


Self-soothing
Self-soothing may look like connecting with your body and 5 senses to bring you peace. It may mean snuggling your fur babies and enjoying the texture of their soft fur, or hearing the relaxing sound of their purr or breathing, it may mean taking a hot bath or cold shower, it may mean making yourself some hot cocoa, putting on your favorite smelling lotion or cooking something that transports you to a childhood memory, cleaning your closet, walking around barefoot in the grass, buying yourself some fresh flowers to smell and look at, making a playlist of songs that bring your inspiration or peace or help channel your rage, enjoying some pumpkin spice whatever fall stuff has to offer, or maybe you put up your Christmas decorations early to surround yourself with things that bring you joy and calm your nervous system.  

Safety Planning
Are you a member of a marginalized group like LGBTQIA+ people or immigrants that is being targeted? Although some may try to minimize your concerns, you know what your experience has been and what you have endured, your fears are valid.  Does making a plan for safety give you a sense of control? For some folks, there may be talks with your loves ones about where in or outside the US you feel most safe and protected. Yes, I know lots of folks talk about leaving the country around elections, which just is not a real feasible for most. So there may be more practical solutions to consider. Are there legal documents that you need to arrange to protect the status of your relationship and/or your loved one? DO you want to work on getting your name change or gender-affirming surgery while that is still definitely possible?  Do you have a list of community spaces where you feel safe and people who you can trust? Don't allow people who do not see your pain or the situation accurately to deter you from doing what you need to do to be as safe and comfortable as possible.

Re-focusing your energy on Advocacy
For some people the best way to deal with this immense sense of lack of control is to look for ways to feel in control. This may look like volunteering for a cause or group that is important to you. It may mean joining your local political group and focusing on the next local election.  It may mean spending time supporting local marginalized communities. 

Hope
It is never wrong to hope. Do not be ashamed or mad at yourself for allowing yourself to hope. Sometimes that is all we have. If you are familiar with the Greek myth of "Pandora’s Box," then you know that when Pandora, the first woman on earth, was given a gift by Zeus, she was told not to open it. When Pandora gave in to her curiosity and opened the box, it was said she unleashed all the evils, sickness, disease, evil and horrors unto the world, but at the bottom of the box was HOPE.  

I often think about Red’s line in Shawshank Redemption “Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things.”

As crisis counselors we know that people die when they lose hope.
For those in power, we know that hope can be a threat to their power. In Hunger Games President Snow tried to stamp out hope in the districts, because he recognized hope could be dangerous.
From research on Learned helplessness, we know that it happens when we lose hope, people & animals give up opportunities for freedom from terrible situations even when presented to them...I won't tell you the story about the experiment because it will depress you even more (you can google Seligman's story if you really need to know more). 
Never be ashamed of having hope and choosing to believe in a better tomorrow. History repeatedly has shown us that the worst periods, the worst wars, the worst regimes do not endure, the human spirit does.

Remember, this is a marathon relay, not a sprint. You are not alone. He won't be the thing that breaks you.  Getting to the other side of this likely will mean a lot of pain and discomfort along the way. You may not look the same or feel the same when you come out of it. You may learn hard lessons along the way. You may be a different person on the other side of it all. The losses you suffer may not be fair or just. At times you may fall back and need someone else to tap in while you step back and allow yourself to rest for a while. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need and pause when you have to.  You have been though hard things before. You can do hard things. Throughout the world and history people have gone through enormous suffering, but humanity has endured...and generally moved toward progress. Have faith. Have hope. Have Courage. Have Endurance. Be Persistent. Have Heart. We are here to pass you back the baton when you are ready.

If you are needing help finding a good therapist, we are here for you . Or you can check out this article on how to Find a good Therapist https://www.hopehealreflect.com/mental-health-articles/how-to-find-a-good-therapist​

Authors: The Healing Reflections Therapy Team

As a family therapists we often run into clients or family of clients that are struggling with political and religious conflict with their family members from the LGBTQIA+ community, sometimes to the point where rejections, and cut offs are being considered. During the holiday season these conflicts tend to reach a fevered pitch, often being the driving force for many to begin/return to therapy. ​Adding another layer of complication, many individuals tend to get engaged over the holiday season, which prompts a flurry of spring weddings and pre-wedding angst.  When the person getting married is your family member and the wedding is a gay/queer wedding, it may bring up a lot of emotions and turmoil over how to respond depending upon your level of acceptance of the entirety of who they are as a person. If you are someone who is struggling with determining what the best choice is for you, we've come up with some discussion points for the family of Queer loved ones to think about to help you gain clarity and hopefully some peace with your decision.

• How did you come to this decision?
• How do you tend to feel if you hear about someone's parents not attending their wedding?
• What values are you trying to demonstrate by not attending this wedding?
• Have you taken time to grieve the future you envisioned for your child when you believed they were heterosexual?
• Have you considered that, more so than ever, it is possible for a married gay person to have a fulfilling family life?
• What biblical references specifically forbid attending this wedding?
• Are there any biblical references or church teachings that you to do not strictly adhere to?
• Are there any people/figures that you usually look to for wisdom on this subject?
• Do you ever disagree or act in ways differently from these advisors?
• Do you believe witnessing a gay wedding will make you gay?
• Are you uncomfortable being around Queer or Trans people and might not know what to say?
• Is it possible that, on some level, you knew your child was gay from a very young age?
• Will anything bad happen to you if you attend this wedding?
• Will anything bad happen to you if you do not attend this wedding?
• Will anything bad happen to your child if you do not attend their wedding?
• Will any harm come to your child if you attend the wedding?
• Do you believe your refusal to attend will stop the wedding or change your child’s sexuality?
• How will you feel about yourself for making this decision?
• How do you think your decision will impact your child?
• How do you think your decision will impact your child’s partner?
• What might be the long-term impact of your decision?
• How might your relationship be impacted after the wedding?
• Are you prepared to possibly lose your relationship with your child/family member?
• What is more important, your principles and values or your love and support of your child/family member?
• How would you have felt if your parents refused to attend your wedding?
• How do you see your relationship with future grandchildren? What will you tell them when they ask why you didn’t attend their parents’ wedding?
• What do you think are the reasons why your child wants to get married/what they love and value about their fiancé?  
• Is there any way to make up for the hurt an injury like this could cause in a relationship? How?
• If you attend the wedding, could you make things worse by adding more shame/guilt/tension to the event or will you make things better by adding love/support/happiness to the day and create positive memories for years to come on the anniversary when they look back at their wedding photos?
• What biblical teachings would allow for you to attend this wedding?
• What would Jesus do?

After taking time to read these questions, we suggest that you sit with yourself and notice your reactions. Did you notice any changes in your body as your reflected on them? Notice the questions that made you most uncomfortable and be curious and ask yourself why those questions brought on that reaction. Change is often uncomfortable, and we do a lot to resist change and return to homeostasis-where things were before and what we were most acclimated or used to. Sometimes discomfort shows up when we are at our learning edge, the place where we are challenged and struggle between our old beliefs and the introduction of new thoughts, feelings, or experiences that challenge them.

We know sitting with your thoughts can be uncomfortable. One of the hardest things for folks during the pandemic was not having the usual distractions and being forced to sit with their thoughts (which had the unfortunate consequence of increasing substance abuse to re-bury these thoughts). Be kind to yourself. Let go of the judgment. Just notice and curious. If it helps, write down your thoughts to help you gain more clarity.

Authors~Megan Garza, MA, LMFT & Chris Scarberry, MA, LPC

​In doing my clinical work, I spend much time supporting and processing the reactions of vulnerable clients from marginalized populations to the current and recent political climate in the United States which has included the Supreme Court ruling that took away federal abortion protections.  For myself and among clients I see, many of whom are not female assigned or identified, a fear nonetheless set in that many of the freedoms, values, and protections that came about as the result of tireless fighting and advocacy for workers, women, people of color, and LGBTQIA+ people, and others could/will be on the chopping block. 
 
Doing the clinical work that I do, I especially found many of my transgender and/or Queer clients fearing for the state of their marriages, their employment, their right to a safe abortion and also for their physical safety in ways that they had not since before the Obama administration.  In many cases, this very real fear has led to an exacerbation of mental health symptoms already present or created symptoms of a severity and duration necessary to warrant an Adjustment Disorder Diagnosis or a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder.  To look at how some of the composite reactions I've seen have led to symptom creation and exacerbation, let's take a look at the criteria for Major Depressive Disorder as it relates to the experiences of clients and others as reported and observed and discuss how we as clinicians in this practice approach supporting clients with these symptoms and societal concerns.
 
The symptoms that are potentially part of a depressive episode include: depressed mood, loss of interest/pleasure, weight gain or loss, thoughts of death or suicide, feelings of worthlessness/guilt, fatigue, insomnia/hypersomnia, decreased concentration.  These symptoms need to exist in an episode which lasts 2 weeks or more.  I have seen symptoms such as these arise for the first time or be exacerbated by the current circumstances.  In my clinical work, most notably, I have seen these symptoms arise in clients pertaining to both the recent Supreme Court ruling coupled with comments made by a justice that he might be inclined to vote to overturn the past Marriage Equality ruling that federally legalized marriage for Queer-Identified Individuals.  These federal events coupled with Missouri taking steps to orchestrate one of the most rigid statewide abortion bans in the country, led many of my clients to contemplate leaving the state or residing in a more progressive country.
 
In terms of how I’ve seen symptom creation, depressed mood was most frequently caused by negative and invalidating reactions to the local political situation by clients’ loved ones.  The disillusionment caused by this disconnect often leaves Queer and Trans people wondering how their family and purported friends can support politicians, institutions, and businesses that have agendas and take measures that treat marginalized people in invalidating, harmful, personal safety-jeopardizing ways.  Loss of interest/pleasure in activities often relates to limits in the ability to comfortably engage in hobbies.  Clients often have feelings of worthlessness related to feeling as though their safety and value as a person are being undermined when things like so called “bathroom bills” are being voted upon to not allow transgender people to use the bathroom that corresponds with their identified gender or when Queer and Trans client see reproductive rights for women being rolled back and understandably worry that their much more recent/tenuous rights will be next on the chopping block.  All of these concerns can and have disturbed my clients’ sleep, appetite, and made them feel drained and exhausted.  As such, some, in addition to considering relocation are considering trying psych meds for the first time.  We have been processing the resulting elevated symptomology with our clients and, when needed, referring them for additional services like psychiatric care, support groups such as those at MTUG, 12-Step meetings at place such as the Alano Club, and normalizing our client’s fears and concerns related to the ways in which they are understandably symptomatic/experiencing elevated levels of symptoms due to the fear of losing the already unacceptable level of rights and benefits that were fought for during Stonewall and for decades since, and generally assisting in the formulation of “created family” for our clients who are often being harmed by their biological families and systems of power.
 
If you are someone who is hurting or feeling isolated or in-danger as a result of the current political environment, please know that you are not alone and that others are also struggling markedly with their mental health.  Please know also that even though it can be especially scary for people who have been let down and marginalized by people who should have helped and cared about them, there are service providers some of whom are in the community who are open, affirming, and are advocating both in the field and in their personal lives for LGBTQIA+ people, their marriages, their personal safety, their need for safe spaces including bathrooms, and the need for greater awareness of the needs of this community for the competence of service providers.  While many of us feel that these are dark, scary political times and will be for some time, we at Healing Reflections Therapy are dedicated to affirming and defending the rights of the Queer and Trans communities as well as cisgender women and communities of color. 

​~Chris Scarberry, LPC